I will e mail you jane or whisper back, but the answer is yes. I feel flattered that you want to use it. I feel honoured that so many people have found this useful. I just felt at the time it summed up my feelings and it helped me. I'm coming round to my "first" it's nearly 12 months since I was DX!
Even know I still get "I don't know how you went through what you did", or "where did you get the strength from?", well I don't know but we do don't we?
I still get very emotional somedays, and still wonder if the past 12 months have been a dream or a nightmare.
Then I look at my veins, and my hair and know it was real!!!
Then I look in the mirror and wonder who is staring back at me!
Couldn't believe when I read your verse it was written nearly a year ago-it could have been myself I was reading about! Had a clear mammo in January a week after my 50th, then found a lump in September-dx 11th Oct, op 31st and waiting results on Monday! Would like to use your verse to let people know how I feel-just because I look so healthy and am getting on with life doesn't mean I am fine despite what I say when folk ask.....does that make sense?? Thanks for putting into words everything I feel! x
'You need to be strong/ stay strong/ you are so strong/ how can you be so strong .... ' yep, we hear all of that, all the time, as though we had a choice in the matter when all we are trying to do is just get on with it!
I don't feel particularly strong and some days I feel like just giving up and staying in bed with a good book - but you can't tell others that or they think you have become depressed and then all the 'you have to stay strong' stuff is trotted out again.
Sorry for sounding a little jaded but your poem hit a raw nerve for me - I am so glad someone else feels just like me! :-)
It my anniversary today a whole year since dx and what a year it has been, I know exactly what you mean about looking in the mirror and not recognising the person staring back at you. Your poem summed up exactly how I felt at the beginning of the year but I must admit I feel much more positive now and tend to ignore the stupid people who dont know how I managed to get through it DOH.
Hope your anniversary wasn't too stressful, mine is coming up too 12th Dec, year ago today, date wise I had that first mammogram. I am more postive now, but I feel a bit anxious some days and I am re living the nightmare coming up to my anniversary, there is before and after, isn't there. I do ignore a lot of people but many people just do not know and I think for me it was better that way.
I did write a poem about chemo, I might put it on here one day.
What a cord this struck with me. Diagnosed on 6/2/08 and continuous treatment and hospital appointments ever since. A year ago I had no idea. Had two boobs and a full head of hair and didnt know a thing about cancer and chemo side effects or any of it. I look in the mirror and see a stranger. I feel 20 years older. Was a young 56 I thought. So so tired I can hardly drag myself out of bed most days. But you all see light at the end of the tunnel and hopefully so will I. Thank you for a lovely poem.
My mammo was 22 January and now, nearly a year down the line, after mast/recon/chemo/rads, depressed, unrecognisable, probably more anxious than at any point this year and unable to articulate why... I'm still not sure it's sunk in.
Thanks for this beautiful summary of how very many of us feel, or have felt.