One month after my 50th I had my Mammogram Wasn't so bad I thought, until the letter dropped through the door RECALLED, a clinic appointment had been made for me (Most people who are recalled after their first time are fine) Better to be safe than sorry, don't worry Mammogram, Ultra Sound, Core Biopsy My Head was in a spin too much to take in- Could this really be happeningto ME?
"Keep your chin up" "Be strong, stay positive, it won't be long" "I'm sure you will be ok" RESULTS DAY Dismay - You have BC Woosh to the floor "Sure it won't have spread, caught early good prognosis" All I think and feel is DEAD
"You were lucky, good job you went for that Mammogram" Frankly when it's you who gives a d... still more "Chins up" "I know it's easy for me to say! I'm sure you will be ok"
Friends, neighbours, colleagues, all have a tale to tell about BC "Don't know how I would cope, if it happened to me" (almost said with glee), smile benignly, malignant inside They wonder why they don't want people to know CONFIDENTIALITY
OPERATION" You'll be fine" Don't worry, stay strong" "have a good time!", best place to be But this is happening to ME
Phones ring - txts are sent, "glad it went well" cards arrive, visitors too Waiting for the follow up appointment Don't know what to do with myself
Day arrives "more chins up" "sure it won't have spread" "too small, caught early" More whooshing to the floor
Good news tumor out, margins clear, cancer free Yippee BUT 10 lymphs out 1 positive Not too bad, could be worse, I want to curse
More "Chins up", be positive, stay strong waiting won't be too long
See the ONC who's very nice but worst fear is realised Suggests Chemo. TAX and FEC What the heck- This is ME Chin up , as I hit the floor once more
Could be worse. I know There's lots of people out there with lots of woe But doesn't it make you think? Careful what I eat, exercise and drink Yet I have become 1 in 8 (a statistic I hate) Before all this I had a life Now all I feel is grief, anger and strife
So here's to all my BC Buddies Get that chin up, Drag "strong", "positive" and "don't worry" from where you threw them last And let's give LIFE a wonderful blast!
This is absolutely fantastic and sums up exactly how I feel, maybe we should all print this off and give it to our family and fiends so they may get an idea of what it really feels like to be us!!
Thanks Karen and Jill, I never thought I would be writing a poem about this, but I was having a bad time last week and it kinda came to me in a flash, it's taken me a few days to share it, but if it has helped you then I am glad I have done it. X Sarah
sarssquatty well done that was brilliant. and more to the point SNAP!!!!!! i had my mammo just 1 month after my big 50th, had a recall and cancer was the last thing on my mind. I didn't get clear margins so had to have more removed and also SNAP it managed to get to 1 lymph node this was last year - diagnoised valentines day, first op 1/3/07, I've had my chemo, my rads and now on hormone tablets and getting my life back
good luck with the treatment, it will go faster than what you think!!!
Suppose I need to do the next instalment now as I'm about to start Chemo, I will wait for the inspiration to hit me! I'm "positive" it's there somewhere!
Thanks for sharing that sarssquatty - even though some people are great (and some not so great!) only someone else going through the same thing can understand how it really is. I like the last verse particularly!
Sarah, Absolutely brilliant, you have put everything in verse what we all have been going through, thanks it made me smile something I am not doing enough of.
I'm glad it's helped you in some way, and made you smile, I know people try to help us, but sometimes it doesn't help does it and until it's you, I suppose you really have no idea what it feels like, I've had a "don't envy you that one" this week! So will have to work that in my new verse somewhere!!
Sarah - No doubt it took much for you to share this -- but it does show what a lovely person you are. I am echoing Me1999. When I first started this treament and learned about BC, had a long postponed lunch with a collegue. She is Russian, and we had always had a nice relationship, all work. During this lunch, she told me about her son who dies at age 25..and that I would be suprised at the reaction of friends. Those who I would think would be supportive, might not. Others would come forward to be a good friend. Folks can only handle what their minds will let them. It is just too close to home for many. So be aware. She also said, in her wonderful Russian accent (probably aimed at my boss), "Don't take any s@@@ from anyone!; this is your life, do what you have to do." Wow.
Your wonderful poem hit home -- this isn't a statistic, this is ME. Yes, makes a big different. They talk about chin up, be positive, good vibes, all of that and it is difficult for them to know how it feels to have double poison inside you. Cancer and chemo. What a pair. You have done a great job of summarizing those feelings!!!! Thanks you.
Chin up! We all say it, have said it. Before and after BC. But it can grate when it is everyone you meet that says it. Makes you think about the words we say in all innocence. A great poem all the same!