Hello everyone. I just needed to talk to someone. My Mum died of BC on 17 April 2008 after fighting it for three years. My husband had been a fantastic support to me as I spent so much of my time looking after her, especially in those final months. We held the funeral on 25 April and went into church at 1pm. By 8pm my husband had left me. He took off his wedding ring and said that I had thrown all his support in his face and made him look a fool. I have no idea what he is talking about. I stayed by his side throughout the funeral and he held my hand through the service. After the funeral I sat with him and my Dad and we talked about Mum with family members. He took off his wedding ring and left. He came back a week later but still not wearing his ring and he says that he doesn't want to know if I am having a bad day and doesn't want anything to do with any of my family. I'm walking on eggshells at home and all I want to do is grieve and I can't. I have to leave it until he's at work (we work different shifts) and he's started going out all the time with his friends drinking and leaving me home alone. I had a quiet chat with a family member who also has no idea what he's talking about and said that I did nothing wrong that day but apparantly my husband was trying to arrange to go out with friends that night and someone told him I needed him to stay home. Before the funeral we were so close and he was my rock. I can't believe he's being like this just because he missed a night out. I just don't understand what's happened and I don't know what to do next. He won't talk about it and he is still not wearing his wedding ring. i'm sorry to moan on but I have no one else to sound off to. I've never felt so alone. x
Oh dear - you are having such a hard time of things at the moment. I can't begin to imagine how you are feeling at the moment. To watch your mother suffer and nurse her through her final months and then lose her must have been heartbreaking but then to have this reaction on the day of the funeral is horrendous.
I feel that your husband is being very unfair to you by refusing to even explain to you what you are supposed to have done that throws all his support back in his face. At least if he was prepared to talk about what he sees the problem as being then you might stand a chance of working it out.
Can I suggest that you speak to a member of his family and see if they have any idea what he has a problem with?
Other than sending you love and hugs I'm at a loss as to what to say.
Don't ever be sorry you sound like you need as much support as possible. Im sorry to hear about your mum and my thoughts and hugs are with you. BC is a harsh thing to deal with and it effects everyone; family, friend and everyone who is close. I don't understand like you what your husband has acted like he as. Maybe he himself finds it hard to deal with grief and hurts him to see you in so much pain. He really does need to talk to you about what as pushed him to act like he has. You do need time to grieve and that is one thing you can't do on your own. I don't know if your husband would go with you to see a councillor. A professional, someone who can see both your worries and help you both get through this hard time in your life. Please try and talk to him again and remind him how close you once were and you want that back again. I just wish i could come and give you a big hug xxx My thoughts are really with you. Kirsty xx
I am sorry to read that you are having such a difficult time and just wanted to add that you are welcome to call our confidential helpline if you feel it would help to talk things through, the number is 0808 800 6000 and it's open weekdays 9-5 and sat 9-2.
So sorry you have lost your mum. My Mum died last sept and you must still be feeling very raw. you didn't mention what age your husband is but he has been very selfish. I don't think for a minute you have done anything wrong and its up to him change his behaviour. Please grieve for your mum and look after yourself.
Thank you for your lovely comments and your support.
Does anyone know where I could get some counselling to help me cope. I think I'm feelng bitter and angry and as my marriage is falling apart, I need some help to deal with it.
I feel like such a wimp! My Mum was so strong and went through so much and there's me falling apart.
I think the best place to start is probably your G.P. who will be able to put you in touch with a counsellor in your locality. You could also try this one, but I think your problems are probably more than just loosing your mum through breast cancer.
counselling over the phone at the Cancer Counselling Trust. support-at-cctrust.org.uk Phone: 020 7704 1137 Fax: 020 7704 8620 1 Noel Road London N1 8HQ
First of all my love to you all. I just wanted to give you an update.
Last night he came home drunk and started shouting again. We talked about the funeral and he said it was all my tault even though he couldn't give me reasons. He won't even mention Mum and won't accept that I'm still grieving.
My dog died on Saturday and last night when my husband was drunk he got very nasty and I told him to leave so he smashed the house up and then turned on me. Now I have a bad back and a swollen cheek. I haven't heard from him or seen him since.
In four short months I lost my best friend, my little dog and now my marriage. I feel such a fraud posting this on here because everyone has such a lot to deal with but I have no one to talk to. I'm totally alone now.
I wish I could have taken the cancer out of Mum and put it in me. I miss her so very much. How will life ever be the same without her.
no life won't be the same without your mother, but you will come to terms with it. you've been through a great deal, don't know why your husband is behaving so badly but he has to work it out for himself and if he is being abusive you need to keep away from him. do you have friends of your own? Or children? Or could you go away and have a holiday?
Oh Jill, what a dreadful situation you are in.Please remember you are your No 1 priority and from your husbands behaviour I think you need to put some sort of distance between you.He is not helping you ,you need to grieve ,you do not need him treating you badly. You are worth so much more! Do you have family to talk to and support you,someone you can tell the whole truth ? Try talking to your GP ,maybe they can help. You DO NOT DESERVE this. Loads of hugs Dot xxx