I appreciate that people do not know what to say, while others want to talk about it all the time... in a bid to try and get the message across to people I have changed my status on facebook to save me saying the same thing over and over - things like - Back home - op went well.... those that know my situ should know what that means - yet ppl still ask how it went - I think ppl just like to ask to appear concerned - which I have no doubt they are, but there is so many times you can say the same thing over.
The worst thing said to me tho was my dad... the day I was diagnosed - clearly upset, he said "that Jade Goodey got given 50/50 chance - have they given you any odds?" Luckily I know my dad and thats what he is like - think the worse and it can only get better.... hence why I didn't tell him about my lump until I knew what it was as he would have looked on the net and stressed me out more than I was already!

LOL.... Its like when you are diagnosed you should be ill... people can't understand why you are not sick and you can function like a "normal" person.... drink wine and socialise.... it makes me laugh!! My mother in law an hour after I left the doctor from being diagnosed said you must make a claim on critical illness, why can't they operate tonight, I think its bad they are making you wait a few weeks for an op.... bla bla bla..... On reading some of your threads clearly there are more important people than me needing to be seen faster.... even doctors have a priority list! It does make me mad!!! She gave me a list of things to sort out like I wasn't gonna make it.... Give me a chance for it to sink in for gods sake... all I wanted was treatment nothing else mattered!

In my exerience when ppl say you look well, it means I look fat!!! LOL... sorry totally irrelevant But had to mention it as something else you shouldn't say!!

its so daft - my friend keep checking I am still positive - like its a jab I've had and they are worried it will wear off!!!!

My daughter is the best saying that if I lose my hair she thinks I will look like an alien and I should get a wig like Dolly parton - only because she is on Hannah Montana show - My daughters only 8!!!

Its really strange that before I had BC I knew no one with it - except for my nanna - now everyone I tell knows someone.

oh my hubby can't do that either!!! so glad its short enough for me to do my hair!!

took my daughter back to school today and found that everyone was giving me the sickly sweet smile - they really don't know what to say!!!

the best comment today - "if your going to get cancer, breast is the best you can get" - so ladies we have a quality cancer here - not a no frills kind - high class!! what stoped me from laughing at this I don't know!!!

My dad came out with the Breast is best comment too and he wasn't referring to feeding!!!!

oh this post really is keeping me going!!! we should do a book - if netmums can do one why not us - it would be a best seller and would bring some money for the charity - what do you say powers that be?? I know lost the plot!!! men in white coats are on the way!!

If anyone tells me I should be taking it easier and not work so hard and then stand by and let me load up the car, do a pile of ironing, cook tea for 5 and hold down a full time job I will kill them.

Carol

I have just came off the phone from my auntie who was asking how i was and what was going on!! mum had told her that i was having tests tosee if i had BC. Was sitting reading this while she was on phone. She told me of 5 people who had BC and one lived til she was 95 tho had a mastectomy when she was 56. My sister died 17 years ago of BC and i had to relive that with her, then she said that things have changed over the years and i MUST stay positive!! Her son is getting married on Saturday and she says that we will not really be in the wedding mood will we. Beleive me i said that i was looking froward to it as i love a good wedding, however ALL my aunties are going to be there and i will be questioned all day from them, I know that they mean well but oh dear now i am not lookin forward to the wedding. They will be watching my every move and reminising about my sister. My poor mam n dad will get it too. My core biopsy is tomorrow and now i will also be asked about how it went. OH happy days!!

Hope this post is not too long, but wanted to share it:

I Could Get Hit by a Bus Too
by Susan Frisius
 
“You never know when you're going to die, after all, I could get hit by a bus."
Since I've never known anyone who has been hit by a bus, I don't understand why friends and acquaintances often say this when I first tell them I have breast cancer. Do they think the possibility of their being hit by a bus equals the possibility of my dying from cancer? Besides, I could get hit by a bus too.

"You're lucky you have a treatable disease."
Don't get me wrong. I'm thankful I wasn't told, "There's nothing we can do," but losing pieces of my body, having a radiation machine set off a nuclear war in my breast and getting my veins filled with toxic chemicals doesn't exactly make me feel lucky.

"You'll be fine because you have a great attitude."
If attitude really matters, why did I get cancer in the first place? Or does attitude only matter after you get cancer? Right now my attitude about cancer is lousy. So what does that mean?

"Don't worry, if your time's not up, it's not up."
If that's true, why did I bother with the surgery? Should I cancel the rest of my treatments? Do doctors perform surgery and give chemo and radiation for no good reason? After all, "if my time's up," treatments won't help.

"I've read that anger and stress lead to cancer."
Great! Now I caused my own cancer.

"You should simplify your life."
It's pretty simple now, all I seem to do is go to medical appointments.

"I've read that people can keep cancer from coming back by changing their diet. Maybe you should try to improve yours since it didn't keep you from getting cancer. That's why I watch everything I eat."
The person who tells me this knows I only eat natural foods, cook everything from scratch, don't eat junk foods and rarely eat meat. "You eat white pasta," she says when she sees my puzzled look. Of course, she eats white pasta too, but calls the flour "semolina." Does she really think if I had eaten pasta with "semolina" on the label I wouldn't now have cancer?

One person says, "If you really want to live, you will. Just never give up. When people give up, they die."
If I were hit and killed by a bus would she think I died because I gave up?

Another person tells me to visualize the cancer shrinking. She says, "If you really work at it, you can eliminate it."

Most conversations end with "call if you need anything." I don't have the energy to call anyone - I can hardly feed myself and get to my medical appointments.
Why do intelligent and sensitive people who care about me say such things? Can they really believe I'm responsible both for my cancer and the outcome of my treatments?
I think these people want to believe cancers are caused by a person's poor emotional state or diet. This lets them think they won't get cancer because they think they eat properly and handle their lives and emotions well. Unfortunately, it also makes them feel uncomfortable around me because they're afraid they'll find out their attitudes and diets are no better than mine. So I hear, "How can you be so cheerful?" and "All that yogurt can't be good for you," and "Put your daughters in foster care, they're too stressful for you."
I have no doubt that everyone I talked to about my cancer was concerned about me and wanted to help me keep a positive outlook. I'm sure they were sincere when they said, "I'd like to have you over for dinner sometime, but I know everything makes you sick," or "It's good to see you out grocery shopping, I was worried because I hadn't seen you for a while."
I'm sure friends would have been happy to help if I had called them and asked for assistance. Most likely they thought they were being considerate when they didn't visit or call "so I could rest." I think they just didn't know what to do or say.

So what would help me while I'm being treated for cancer?

Drop in or call. The only way you'll know what I need is if you keep in touch. Remember, if I'm out in the community, I'm well enough to be out. It's when you don't see me that I need your support.

Don't wait for me or my immediate family to ask you for help. It takes too much energy and I don't like admitting I can no longer cope with everyday living. When you want to help, don't ask what I need, just do it. Bring me a meal (white pasta is fine), wash my floors while I sleep, take my children to a movie, get the oil changed in my car, pick up a few vegetables for me at a farm stand, change a burned out light bulb, take my empty yogurt container off the coffee table and throw it out.

Don't minimize the illness that scrambles my life by telling me about simple causes and self cures. Everything I've held important has been touched by it - my ability to raise my children, my work, my independence, my social life.

Don't let your fear of hearing about cancer keep you away. While cancer has become a big part of my life, it's not my whole existence and I am able to converse on other subjects.

Remember my immediate family. My cancer affects them emotionally as much as it does me. My kids and parents need their friends' support now more than they ever did.

If I let you know your company is too much for me at the time, come back. If I don't answer the phone, call again. I need to know I can count on you because I'm temporarily unable to count on myself.

If you're feeling helpless because someone you know has cancer, don't. Take them a meal and eat it with them. Talk to them as you wash their dishes. Play a game with their kids so they can hear laughter. Pet their cat until it purrs. Bring over a book and read it to them. Both of you will feel better when you take action.
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Well said Susan!

Julie
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