for those of you who don't know me I was diagnosed in March last year, age 34. I had a right mastectomy and total anc, followed by 6 months E-CMF chemo, rads and 3 Herceptin (long story!). Now I am on Zoladex and Tamoxifen.
Well, I've been off work since I was diagnosed last march and its finally time for me to return! The reason I haven't been able to go back sooner is that I've had various other health probs that I won't bore you with now! Now things are under control I feel I'm finally ready to start getting my life back (if you know what I mean). A life which has been dominated by hospital appts, scans, blood tests etc for far too long!
Thing is, I'm extremely apprehensive about going back. I've been off for so long now and I'm really nervous. I'm going back to the same place as before but it'll be very different as most people are new and the way they do things has also changed (I'm an instructor in the armed forces). I will be doing a phased return, starting with 2 half days a week, the first one being tues 16th sept!!!
Really I think I'm just after some idea of other people's experiences of returning to work. How did you find it and were you nervous at first?
it's bound to be scary.... a bit like that first day at a new school when you're a kid.
But you know the nerve's will pass when you're mind gets distracted by the job at hand. I think a phased return is a good idea though. I'm still doing treatment but because I work from home I've been able to carry on working through me chemo. I was straight back on the computer 2 days after my mastectomies, just can't help myself but I've found my attention is shorted than it used to be. hoping that will pass after the fec is done.
I am going to be starting a course of coQ10 after treatment to help my mind cope with the intensity of working full time again, it's helped me in the past when I was learning very hard and fast.. cramming wasn't the word.
I'm sure you'll feel less nervous when you've dived in. Good luck.
I know exactly how you feel. I went back to work at the start of July after being off for nearly a year. Like yourself was so nervous about going back - also had phased return which was such a good idea. The first 2 weeks were pretty nerve wrecking. I think I put too much pressure on myself and just wanted to act like nothing had happened or changed. But in the end I was getting myself so worked up becoause I kept trying to prove that I could still muck in with everyone. My work colleagues have been so supportiveand quite protective over me (which helps) and have now settled in but doing things in a much slower and calmer manner.
It is hard the first few weeks, but believe it does wonders for your self esteem and gets your brain back in gear and nomore day time TV.
I took 8.5 months off, went back the week before rads so sort of phased as in and out the office.
My place had loads of new faces + a big re-shuffle while I was off and to be quite honest it was better, the new starters didn't know my history and ones I had worked with for years knew I didn't want to talk about it at work. I sat with a load of young lads and really enjoyed myself, no cancer talk, just normal gossip and work related issues. Work is my escapism.
I know exactly where you are coming from on this one I too return to work on Monday, I was offered the chance to go in this week to go over things and jumped at it Im so glad I did I dont think Monday will be quite so scary now. If you get chance to go in before the 16th take it although its nerve racking waiting to get there it really does help.
Wishing you all the luck in the world for the 16th
I returned to work at the beginning of July after a few months away. I was absolutely terrified as I had really lost my confidence and honestly felt that I wouldnt remember what to do when I got back. I decided with Occ Health that I would go back for two days a week and take it from there. I am glad I gradually phased myself back because even if you havent been ill, getting back into the work routine is very tiring and if on top of that you have had chemo rads, surgery ( I didnt need chemo) you will be tired initially. I think though going back to work and getting back into a routine is very good psychologically as it is distracting. I was in the RAF for many years and I can imagine that the sense of humour is still the same, which will do you the world of good!
When I returned to work after a full year away it was to a whole new job. I decided to give up teaching altogether as I had been a supply teacher and not attached to a school or contract. I opted for an 'easy' civil service job where I could leave work behind me at nights .I started straight away on full time but the first 10 weeks were training hours and not one bit stressful so a very easy way back into work routines. When I started work proper I didnt tell anyone other than my line manager and only then because I needed a whole day off every 3 months to attend the chemo suite as part of a trial. I did invoke DDA though as our car park is too small for the amount of workers in the building and I would have had to walk/bus in the dark on late finishes. I didnt fancy my chances of arriving home in one piece after a long day so asked for (prompted by someone else on this board) and was granted a parking space -woo hoo!!
Im still there 3 years later -and while its not the best job in the world nor the best paid its convenient to get to, relatively interesting and keeps me off the streets.
Kelly: Today was my first day back to work. LIke you, I had been out since the first week in March when I started chemo. In between have been surgery (mastectomy) and now rads. I still have 4 weeks of rads to go, so am returning from 7:30 am till 1:30 pm, 6 hrs, and then traveling to rads, then home.
It was GREAT being back! I have gained much weight from chemo/steriods and the whole routine so was very nervous about re-entering a very professional group. They were genuinely happy to see me back healthy -- that it didn't matter. It was a big relief. I think some of them really thought I would not return at all. Even my boss who is pretty stand-offish spontaneously hugged me hello.
So, its easy say not to worry. But if you have been training, you will jump right back. It is a pleasure to be out of the house, away from bc and back in the swing of things again.
Go for it!! Think of it this way; if you can tackle chemo, surgery and rads, who can possibly stop you!
I went back to work last week (25th August) after 10 months 'on the sick'. I was dx on 1st nov last year, had mast & node clearance, chemo, rads, more chemo, and now on herceptin (no.4 next week).
This is the longest I have ever been off work - most time I have ever had off before was 2 wks maternity leave way back in 1986 lol - when I had my second daughter in 1998 I was self employed so didn't take any time off at all - just worked round the birth !
I have gone back to a completely new job - when I was dx I worked for the health board that treated me - unfortunately on a fixed term contract - as I only worked 2 months out of the 12 month contract, they understandably didn't renew it :-) - and the contract expired on 13th August! I was a HR manager before - I am now the sub-editor of a subscription only forestry magazine (how about that for a career change lol) - and joined the company just on deadline as the magazine was going to the printers, so it was manic, but I have to say I am sooooo enjoying it - it is helping me to get back to whatever 'normal' was.
I think I replied to one of your other threads about your suspected bone problems - which fortunately turned out ok for you I believe - I am currently in the same position - has just been for isotope bone scan today after 7-8 weeks of constant niggling pain in back. Fingers crossed I get the same result as you and can carry on carrying on !
Good luck with the return to work - remember, don't try and do more than you feel really capable of - no-one expects superwoman - just do what you can
It's surprising how this illness can make once able bodied, confident people into gibbering wreaks (not all of us I know). But I was so shocked at how my body was shaking all over the day I returned to school for my pre return meeting with head and occ health lady.
I was wearing a wig and flushing very badly so sweating, and became tearful in the meeting as they were soooo nice to me, daft ay!
But Once I was back it got easier. I still needed support and did have a couple of wobbles both emotionally and physically when I was sent home early. I have to say I was very very lucky and was never made to feel that these wobbles were anything other than blips.
This was true, and I am now (nearly 2 yrs post diagnosis), back into the natural swing of things and really enjoying my job. I am also glad I now work part-time which I am sure added to the ease at which I returned.
So be kind to yourself. Make sure your bosses know if/when you are 'off' and take care of you first. It won't be forever, there may be a lovely bright welcoming light at the end of your tunnel as there was for me. Good luck.
thank you all so much for your responses, they are very much appreciated as ever! Its very reassurring being able to hear from others who are in the same boat and know exactly what I'm feeling right now.
So, just one more week left then I'll be back. I'm still apprehensive but all your messages have gone a long way toward helping my nerves.
Emily - I'm so pleased you got on ok on your first day back a couple of days ago, you must've been very relieved.
Margaret - I really hope the news for you is good when you get the results of your bone scan. Do let me know how you get on,
I was also very apprehensive and mostly I work from home! I was phased (sp?) back for a month and then the Christmas hols were upon us so I had 3 weeks off and then continued to ramp up to full time about 18 months ago. I have to say that my attitude to work has changed enormously despite doing a very different role. I finally it so very unimportant compared to just living and being. I wll never say "I wish I'd spent more time at the office" in fact I already say that I wish I hadn't spent so MUCH time at the office! My company have been supportive financially but HR leave much to be desired as a lot of it is outsourced these days to India so even trying to locate a human being is a challenge! Maybe it is time for a 3rd career ...
I think you're fortunate to be returning to the fold of the armed forces and I know you will meet with caring people there who are not looking at their margins, their headcount, their bottom lines etc. There will still be people vying for position and promotion but at least there you have a reasonable selection system!
Anyway, good luck and remember your are working to live, not living to work.
I am grinning - i am pleased to hear the news that you are going back to work.
I don't know what u train people in but somehow i doubt it is paperwork! My job is - well mostly. I took 2.5 months off post mastectomy, had one chemo and went back to work sort of half time after seeing OH person. i didn't work for the two days after chemo (well - i was barely awake!!!)
The breast care team are mildly astonished that i bothered going back to work at all at that point (tho i cite the beloved prof grieves who told me it was important thru treatment to live life normally - and for me work is normal) - but i go into the office 2 morns and do the other three at home... my job isn't physical and i was home alone at the time... when you start thinking oooh...it's time for Diagnosis Murder... you know you need to do something.... i am cackling - ok - i still watch cagney and lacy on itv3 if i can!!! god bless steroids....
I think you have a good supportive structure to return to - as i have had... it is wonderful being with people who aren't all about treatment. it's about getting back to what we were before we had to get on the treatment train. Going back to work was the best thing I did. I know not everyone can - i was lucky
Hi Princess cheered me up knowing you are going back to work as it;s been a long hard road for you. I was the same very apprehensive but after the first week it felt like I'd never been away. I have always followed your posts and you were always there for all of us. Good luck you deserve it love Eileen
thank you all s much for your posts, they are very much appreciated. I can only apologise for how long its taken me to respond to them. Well, tomorrow is the day and I am feeling very nervous now. I know I'm only goin in for about 3 hours but I reckon its gonna be a very long 3 hours! This is mad as I have always loved my job so much. Everytime I think about tomorrow though I feel like I'm about to burst into tears! I keep telling myself its only one day and once its over I'll no doubt be feeling much better.
So, thanks again for all your kind words and support. I'll be sure to let you know how I get on!
Hi Kelly, Very best wishes for your return to work tomorrow. When I went back (p/t) I felt very tired at first - also seemed to catch every 'bug' going - so don't push yourself too hard. I think people will be genuinly pleased to see you again. my colleagues seemed to fall into two camps - those who wanted to know all about my treatment and those who never mentioned it. I do wish someone had told me we had a little boy going through chemo (I work with small children)((as i felt very weepy the first time i had to look after him which wasn't really fair on him or me!) fingers crossed for you cheers caroline
thanks for the words of encouragement! Will pm you back in the next day or 2,
Hi Caroline,
thank you so much for your good wishes and kind words, I really appreciate it. Thanks for taking the time to post, I'll be sure to let you know how I get on!