Your relationships after breast cancer

When treatment has finished, you and the people close to you may expect things to start to get back to normal. However, for many people this isn’t easy. If you’re having trouble with this after treatment you should talk to those close to you about your concerns.

Family, friends and co-workers

Your friends may have had little experience of a life-threatening illness and what it means, and they may not be able to respond to your needs. Some people may react in a way that makes you feel unsupported. This doesn’t mean that they don’t care, but that they’re trying to help you move on and are unsure how or when to bring up the topic.

How you decide to deal with any changes in your relationships depends on how much you want to talk about what you have been through. If you still feel that talking about your breast cancer and the continuing side effects helps, you may need to reintroduce these topics. Alternatively, you may be happy not to talk about your breast cancer experience with those outside your immediate family or your medical team.

Sometimes it can be easier to talk to someone who’s been in a similar situation. Breast Cancer Care has a range of support services that can connect you with someone to talk to – visit our services section to find out more.

If you have children

After your treatment has finished your children, particularly if they are young, may expect their ‘old mum’ back. Make sure your children have realistic expectations about your energy levels, how involved you can be and where you may still need their help or understanding.

Continue talking with your children about your experience of breast cancer even after treatment has finished. Children tend to be more comfortable when they know what’s happening and what to expect. You may want to talk to them about any fears they might have for you, your partner or their own future. The age of your children will be important in how you communicate with them and their expectations of you after treatment has finished.

If you have a partner

If you are in a relationship you may find that it changes. It’s important to remember that this may be positive or negative, and that some things will be easier to cope with than others. These changes may be difficult to talk about with your partner and it may take some time to resolve them. Alternatively, you may feel your relationship is stronger as a result of facing breast cancer together.

How your relationship may change

You may find that the roles you and your partner had before your breast cancer diagnosis have changed. Depending on how your partner reacted to your breast cancer experience, they may have become more independent or taken on the role of carer during your treatment.

Once treatment has finished your partner may have adjusted to their new role and want to continue this way. Or they may want to revert back to how things were before, moving on or acting as if nothing has happened. However your partner responds, it is important that you both try to talk about any concerns or fears

Sexuality and breast cancer

Sex and intimacy

Whatever your situation - whether you are currently single, in a relationship or embarking on a new one - beginning an intimate relationship again may make you very anxious and uncertain.

If you were in a relationship before your diagnosis, you may be worried about your partner comparing things to how they were before.

If you’re in a new relationship, you may be concerned about how your new partner will react to your body.

It may take time for you to feel physically well enough or able to cope emotionally with resuming any form of sexual activity.

It’s important to remember that each person’s intimate and sexual relationships will be unique. Getting back into sex will be a gradual process that you should try and take at your own pace.

Partners

An illness like breast cancer not only affects the life of the person diagnosed but also the lives of those who are close to them, especially partners. Couples facing cancer can both feel emotional distress, and when both partners are under stress the relationship often becomes strained. 

Try talking to your partner about how you feel. They in turn may then be able to explain to you a little more about how they are feeling. You may both be making assumptions about how the other feels without realising it. Being honest and talking openly together can help you understand each other.

New partners

If you weren’t in a relationship when you were diagnosed, or your relationship ended after your diagnosis, meeting someone new may mean telling them about your breast cancer. Deciding when and how to do this can be difficult.

You may feel there isn’t a right time to talk about this or be unable to find the words. But as you get to know someone and feel more comfortable with them, you may find it easier to talk about all aspects of your life, including your breast cancer.

Some women find sex toys, such as vibrators and clitoral stimulators, helpful in finding out more about what gives pleasure.

If vaginal dryness means that penetration is painful, as well as using lubricants you might look at other ways of having sex such as mutual masturbation or oral sex.