Keep talking to your children

From time to time there will be updated news to give your children about your treatment and your progress. And they will probably come up with new questions too. Often the questions may take you by surprise, perhaps when you're cooking or watching TV rather than when you're ready and prepared.

You may want to consider encouraging older children to talk to your doctors and nurses, perhaps when you go for a hospital appointment. This can help them to realise that a lot is being done to help you and that hospitals can be a source of support.

If you are having radiotherapy or chemotherapy, you may want to warn your children that you might feel ill, grumpy or tired at times and you might need some extra help. Being able to help can make younger children feel important, so perhaps you can give them one or two small, regular tasks. Older children may be helpful and co-operative from time to time but it's important not to expect them to take on too much responsibility.

When to seek help

If there are long standing concerns with your child's behaviour or emotional wellbeing these may be more noticeable at a time of anxiety. Sometimes a child's behaviour can be difficult to deal with – especially when you need to be able to concentrate on your own health and wellbeing.

Try to see if you can understand the meaning of the behaviour rather than react to it. If you notice your child having long periods where they are feeling low, withdrawn or not being interested in what is going on around them talk to your GP, treatment team or school counsellor. If necessary they can refer you to your local child and adolescent mental health service. They should be able to offer you and your child advice or guidance if needed.

When treatment is over

When your treatment is finished, it's understandable that your children want you 'back to normal' as soon as possible. They not only want reassurance that you're better and won't be ill again, they also want their own lives to return to normal. This may not always be straightforward for the whole family, particularly in the early weeks and months. Children may find this hard to grasp and you may need to explain that getting better can take quite a long time, weeks or even months.

They may also have lingering doubts about your recovery. Your check-ups will be a worry for them as well as you.

Also, if someone they know is later diagnosed with cancer, or someone's parent has died, it can bring some of the worries back. You should continue to be as honest as you can, without making promises you may not be able to keep.

Each stage of your treatment and recovery will bring different feelings, different anxieties and different highs and lows. But if you are able to talk honestly and openly with your family at each step, you will find that families can be a great source of love and support.