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Child grief
Hi all, I haven't posted on here for some time... I lost my brave mum to breast cancer last March, which has been sad and difficult for our family, but without forgetting my mom, we are living our lives as she would want us to.
I have 3 young children, 5,7, and 9 and my eldest is, I think, now suffering with the effects of grief.
She was very close to her nan, and was obviously very upset at the time she passed away. The upset has now abated, but has left her worrying about anything that might happen to myself or her dad, to the point where she has started not being able to sleep on her own.
Does anyone have any tips as to how to help her move out of this phase which is greatly upsetting her, and meaning that neither my husband or I are getting a decent nights sleep :/
Any suggestions greatly appreciated xx
Hello Jen,
It must be really awful for you all and It wasnt that long ago that your lost your mum so you are all greiving.
I wish I could offer some advice I've just been diagnosed well a month ago and have had my op and I have 2 young children 3 and 7 and my eldest is having the same problems sleeping. He was doing well becuase my OH stayed in his room with him for a week and then over the past 3 days he got himself off to sleep and didnt wake up in the night but then last night he went to sleep but woke up at 1.25am and took over 1 and half to calm him down and get him to sleep.
I've tried talking to him about it but he is stubborn and wont talk. So i'm going to talk to the bcn or the dr for some help.
I do know that you can have grief counselling for children, that might help your daughter maybe you should look into it.
good luck
xx
Hi Jen, so sorry to read of your child's grief. Are there any child bereavement facilities in your area? I know some hospices offer support and/or rituals which can be helpful.
It may be a bit late, or seem really twee, but there's a book I often suggest to people when a grandparent dies called 'Badger's Parting Gifts' which can be helpful. I have a list of books somewhere, as well as a few websites, so if you think it might help feel free to PM me.
Sorry this is so brief - I am at work and having a quick 'tealess break'
Hi Jen
Sorry to hear that your child is suffering this way. Please do give the helpline here a ring I'm sure they'll be able to point you in the right direction of support. Lines are open now until 5pm tonight (Mon-Fri 9-5 & Sat 9-2) calls are free, 0808 800 6000
Take care,
Jo, Facilitator
Badgers Parting Gifts is lovely. There is another one based on Dragonflies. My kids lost their brother a few years ago (My Son twin) nd i was always honest with their questions nd we still include him in our family with candles, special stones collected from the beach, and photos etc. They 'puddle jump' a lot nd still can be talking about something unrelated nd then ask a very direct question about him. I take a deep breath nd answer there nd then (intetesting in the suoetmarket)! We are taking the same aporoach with my bc (secondary) nd seems to be working. So give them your time, honesty and listen to what they are really asking!
Hope you get some tips from this!
Sadie Xx Xx
Hi Sadie,
Yes you're right, "Waterbugs and Dragonflies" is a gorgeous little book as is "Muddles Puddles and Sunshine" (an activity book). Sounds like you are doing a brill job with your own children, and are a brave woman to boot (cheesy I know). A couple of others I have are "Sad isn't bad" and "I Miss You" (which talk about feelings).
Jen, another thought... your children's school *should* have something like a "bereavment box" with books in to help, or you could ask your local children's librarian.
Edit: Winston's Wish is a national charity in this field http://www.winstonswish.org.uk/
As DJ says below, there should be something in your local area
Hi Jen
Specialist counselling make help.
This is one organisation on Merseyside:
http://www.listeningearmerseyside.org.uk/projects/butterflies.htm
They do a wonderful job in a very loving environment - specifically designed for children and young people. There must be similar projects around the country.
Good luck.
Dx