Cousins

Just show you care Hi AppleBlossom (pretty name),

I am so sorry for the loss of your aunt and the difficult time you are going through.

I don\'t think any of us really know what to do or say in this situation. I have a good friend whose daughter died, and she was so incensed by some things that people said to her after she died, and so moved and comforted by other things, that she now gives seminars on bereavment. I will just tell you a little about what she says, and I apologise to anyone here who disagrees with what my friend has to say on the matter - I think it is a highly personal and subjective thing, and what my friend thinks may differ from what other people think. Anyway, this is what she says, here goes:

Don\'t gnore them, look away, look embarrassed.
Don\'t feel that you can\'t mention their mother or that if you do, it will be too painful for them (it is already very painful for them, if you don\'t mention her it won\'t make things easier).
Don\'t say \'I don\'t know what to say\'.
Don\'t say \'I couldn\'t cope if it were me\' (this enrages my friend - she says that what else is she supposed to do but cope? Also, she says that this implies that other people love their children more than she loved hers).

If you are sorry, and I know that you are, just look them in the eye, and say it and mean it. They will see that you mean it, and they will be touched by this.
If you want, and you think it is appropriate, say what their mother meant to you, or say what it was about their mother that you so loved or liked.
Just be sensitive and empathic and show that you care.

I hope this helps. I will be thinking of you and your family tomorrow.

Lilly.x

I understand I lost my mum in August to breast cancer, i totally understand you not knowing what to say, ive noticed my friends and extended family felt and still feel uncomfortable and awkward about what to say to me, incase they upset me, but just let then know that your there for them if they need anything.

take care and i am sorry for your loss.xxx