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Help I need advice Hi my mum was diagnosed with BC 3 weeks ago- we are still waiting on the results from core biopsy! Her first reaction was anger, as her consultant told her that she had been misdiagnosed & the cancer had been with her years rather than months. She was told that there was no need to rush, it was only with my sister\'s & I constant phoning that they organised the core. My mum has other illness\' which cause pain & tiredness. She has now taken to her bed, won\'t eat , minimal drinking because the consultant told her she\'d been misdiagnosed all along. She has now taken it into her head that the cancer has spread & she doesn\'t have these other illness\'. She called me today to let me know that she will be refusing treatment as she just wants to go. I am medically trained & have tried telling her that at the moment they don\'t know if the cancer has spread & to remain positive. Her problem is her BC didn\'t show up on the x-rays & she is allergic to so many drugs( morphine included!), I think she is scared. I don\'t know what to do as she won\'t listen to any of her family. She refuses help from others(medical or friends). I\'m really worried for her & don\'t know what to do- her appointment at the clinic isn\'t for another week!
message for fancypiece if you would like to talk to some one in confidence breast cancer care offer a confidential help line. The number is 0808 800 6000 and the lines are open 9am to 5pm Monday to Friday and 9am to 2pm on Saturday.
I hope this helps
Kind regards Bcc Host
I\'m so sorry to hear about your mum. She\'s in an acutely anxious state and now she\'s clinically depressed (anxiety and depression are closely linked). She can get over this but she does need some help. Is there any way you can get a GP out to her? If not (and a GP should respond), could you go and see her and just be with her - no need to say or do anything but just be there, holding her hand, being with her. Then, in time, you can start talking to her gently, helping her to see things more rationally. At the moment she is so anxious that she can\'t hear anything - she\'s so scared she just wants out. Please call her GP. She\'ll get through this, but she really needs someone to take care of her, and if she can\'t go to them they must go to her.
Also, given that she called you to say she wants to go, she is asking for help - she\'s crying out for it.
This is a really difficult time but you\'ll get through it. Your medical expertise will be a great help when she is able to listen.
Good luck, and please let us know how you get on. I\'m thinking of you and your mum.
Lilly.
Thanks Thanks Svenska, I\'ll go and contact her Dr now, although given that they misdiagnosed her I\'m not sure she\'ll be glad of them but I\'ll give it a try. It\'s nice to know that others understand what we are going through.
update My sister contacted the hospital re:mum and they put her in touch with a breast care nurse. After explaining our sitiuation the nurse phoned mum to try & reassure her. At the moment mum appears better within herself and has been persuaded to attend her appointment next week with her consultant. Fingers crossed she attends!
fancypiece is it possible that you could go with your mum for her hospital appt? We all feel it\'s the end when we get another nasty diagnosis, but it usually isn\'t . You would help her to be positive, dilly
Hi there,
I\'m so glad the BCC nurse talked to her - that\'s great. Please let us know how her appointment goes.
Lilly.x
re: consultation Well I went with mum to her consultation, and had mum not been there because she had cancer I would have walked out. There was no compassion, either from the Dr or the BC nurse, it was as if mum had a stab in her finger & was going in to get it removed. Mum had spoken with the nurse previous & explained her worries. She said that she would let the Dr know- she didn\'t. She also sat in on the consultation & said nothing. I was uneasy with her & as mum said you want a BC nurse that you feel you can trust. Does anyone know if it is possible to change nurses? We are no further forward as to knowing type or the extent of the cancer, which isn\'t helping matters with mum. She goes into hospital on Thursday, with surgery planned for friday. Has anyone had to go to nuclear medicine prior to their op, in order to get a radionuclide dye injected into their breast? Mum has to & didn\'t last time, can anyone tell me why?
Thanks
Hi again,
Oh I am so sorry and so angry for you. No wonder that your mum has become so anxious - she is not getting taken care of psychologically i.e. they are not keeping her informed, and so of course she fears the worst ,as we all would. I am so sorry you had a negative experience. Call BCC now - they will be able to tell you why she needs a dye injected - they know everything there is to know about assessment and treatment. Call 0808 800 6000.
Then, when you have done that I would call the PALS service at your hospital (Patient Advice and Liaison Service) and explain your predicament and how you were treated. They will be able to arrange for your mum to have another nurse, because the one you saw sounds no good for your mum. The people at PALS are very sympathetic - they are trained to listen to patient\'s needs and fears and complaints. Every hospital has one. If you get a different nurse that your mum trusts, she will feel 100% better.
Good luck, keep us in touch. I\'m really thinking of you.
Lilly.x
Hi Hello, really sorry to hear what you and your mum are going through at the moment, im not sure if this is 100% correct in your mums case but my mum had a blue dye injected before surgery and this was to show what (if any) had spread into the lymph nodes, they will only know this after the surgery though, not sure about the technical jargon behind it all.
Hope you are able to change nurses too, i remember mum trying to be really positive and the B.C nurse sitting there and saying \"you do know people can die from this?\" UNBELIEVABLE makes you wonder how they get into the job in the first place.
Mum is \'cancer free\' now and hopefully will remain that way, good luck to you and your mum, let us know how you all get on.
luv Mel
Catch up Hi all, mum has now had her lumpectomy as well as removing some of the lymph nodes. She was feeling alot better within herself after the op, that is until she spoke with her consultant. He said that she may have to go back for another op, and did she realise that breast cancer was one of the biggest killers- nice one! We are now waiting 2 weeks until we get the results, and I am meantime trying to keep mum occcupied. Thanks for all the support & I\'ll keep you up to date. Oh mum\'s breast did go blue, as did the rest of her, I told her that she could get a part in Charlie & the Chocolate Factory- at least it brought a smile to her!
Hi again,
Your poor mum - honsetly what did her consultant think he was achieving by telling her that! Tell your mum that BC has an 80% survival rate - that is what my sister\'s BC nurse specialist told me.
Keep us updated, I think of you often.
Lilly.x
update Hi all, mum is doing fine apart from the obvious sore & tired. We are still no further forward in knowing the type or grading of the cancer, the Dr\'s have never come across mum\'s type before! She was told that she would get chemo if the cancer had spread to her lymph nodes- which it had, but she started her radiotherapy this morning! Does anyone know if mum used cabbage leaves to help with the swelling & burning, if it would affect treatment. I used them when I had bad mastitis when I was breast feeding, mum asked the radiographer but she didn\'t know. Mum has also been referred for a spine x-ray as she has a \"dodgy\" area in her thoracic spine. She mentioned it to her consultant but he was only concerned with her breast, hence the GP has referred her. What a topsy turvey world this is!
Hi there,
have just lost my posting so here goes again......
It is very nice to hear that your mum is doing fairly well and I would like to send her my very best wishes for her continued recovery and forthcoming x-ray of her spine.
Regarding your question of applying cabbage leaves to the radiotherapy treated breast, I would not recommend that.Apart from the danger of infection the texture of the leaves may be too harsh on
the treated and therefore sensitized skin.I used AloeVera lotion 99.9%several times a day and especially before the treatments and suffered no burns, blisters or any other ill effects.The lotion is available at Holland and Barett\'s.
Sending you both again my best wishes, Brigitte
Thanks Thanks Brigette, Mum will give the aloe vera a try thanks very much