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Helping a friend with breast cancer Hello. This is my first time on this forum. I basically need some help/advice with regards to supporting my best friend who has just been diagnosed with breast cancer. As more information is coming out from her, I am very concerned for her prognosis. I am a nurse (I don\'t want to give too much away here in case she reads this forum and puts 2 and 2 together) who specialises in breast care, therefore I have a reasonable knowledge base of treatments/care. That might seem helpful (for her) but it\'s not for me as I feel I might know too much.
I am scared if she asks me awkward questions. I don\'t want to get upset in front of her. I am worried if I\'m asking too many questions regarding her treatment and I\'m worried if I\'m imposing on her by phoning her all the time and offerring unecessary help. Can someone give me some advice? It\'s all very well being a nurse and having a medical background, but when it affects your family/friends, all professional common sense seems to have gone out of the window.
tayberry quite right- you don\'t want to swamp your friend with frightening info as she is too afraid already. What you can do to help is encourage her to tell you all about it and when something needs attention to point her in the right direction and propel her towards it. dilly
Some of us want to know I was someone who wanted to know as much as possible about my breast cancer when I was diagnosed. It was my way of trying to maintain some kind of control of something which basically felt uncontrollable.
I had a poor prognosis, grade 3, stage 3 (had chemo before surgery, then still had 23/25 nodes with cancer). I would have hated to think that others knew something that I didn\'t know. I knew full well that my prognosis was gloomy and that was hard to bear but it would have been worse to think that people were keeping things from me for fear of \'frightening\' me. Being frightened is a pretty normal response to having cancer..it goes with the territory.
Everone is different but don\'t automatically assume that your friend won\'t want to take the benefit of your knowledge and experience. I think its important to take the lead from her and what she wants.
You say you are scared about getting upset and thats a hard one cause I agree your friend won\'t want to cope with your upset as well as her own. On the other hand if you are too cool she may think you\'re not taking her seriously. You may in fact be both trying to protect each other.
Its three years since my diagnosis and I\'m currently well..I\'m lucky to have fallen so far on the right side of bad statistics..some of us do...as you will know if you have professional contact with a lot of people with breast cancer.
Maybe this expereince of being personally involved can enrich the professional support you give to your patients and their friends and relatives.
Jane
Thank you so much Dilly and Jane. Your words of advice are so very much appreciated and thank you for taking the time to kindly respond to my plea.
Jane, I totally agree with you with regards to my friend and I protecting each other. I think we most definately are. She is trying hard to hold it together and so am I. I know I won\'t break down in front of her: I cry at wheels turning round but when it comes to serious situations, I can really pull myself together and if anything, I\'m stronger than a lot of my friends.
I also understand about not wanting to feel that others know more about your situation. If it was me, I would want to know everything as I am a total control freak!!
I agree with you with regards to letting my friend take the lead. I\'m letting her tell me as much as she knows so I\'ve got an idea as to where she is at. If anything, I am learning a lot from her already. It doesn\'t matter that I am a nurse-nurses most certainly don\'t know everything. I am going to write her a nice card and tell her that I am here for her every step of the way. I adore her and I will do anything and everything possible to help her.
Thank you once again for your kind words.
hi tayberry I think sending a card is a lovely idea. And there may come a time when to cry together will be good for both of you (I\'m a drama queen myself and I hated those friends who wanted to put a think positive spin on everything.) You sound like a great friend.
Jane