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At A Loss Mum had her second chemo last Weds. The first session wasn\'t too bad, the side effects were minimal but the second session has knocked her for six plus her hair is really starting to thin. She tried the cool cap but it had to be removed after 15mins during the second session, I guess where her hair has thinned it was too painful.
The one thing that Mum has been anxious about from the start was the thought of loosing her hair. I went with Mum to see the Hair Loss Co-ordinator and Mum has a great wig that makes her look 10yrs younger, it really is very flattering and I\'ve been to the hosp. today to get the styling products so that her hairdresser can have a fiddle tonight. The whole thing has really knocked her confidence. She was telling me last night that she won\'t go out for 3 months and that she can\'t go out on her own as she feels really wobbly and if she stays in there is less risk of picking up germs. I know these feelings are perhaps pretty inevitable and its good she can voice her concerns but I\'m not sure how to respond. I challenged her gently, hopefully acknowledging her worries but at the same time suggesting that staying in all the time will make her feel even less confident and isolated (she doesn\'t have many friends). I don\'t think its helped that her diagnosis came at the same time that she retired as well. So many emotions.
Unfortunately I got upset in front of her, which I don\'t do and today I\'ve been really tearful. I\'m lucky, I go to work and have a great supportive employer and good friends but I just don\'t know what to do or say to help. I watch my poor Dad struggling (he had lung cancer 2 yrs ago) and he told me that mum is in floods of tears every morning. I\'m sorry all of this is so burbled but any advice would be really welcome.
lambster when daughter lost her hair she was devastated. Younger sister went out and bought her nice hats. It got her over the hump. Then daughter went in for headscarves around the house, which averted tears every time she passed a mirror . Ladies at chemo sessions frequent Claire\'s for these as prettiest.. The result - survival until new hair arrived. Now I\'ve lost hair with chemo- hate my carefully chosen and suitable wig but find hats consoling and jolly. You\'ll have to hat shop for your Mum because none of us can face trying on in public. NB for ladies with older necks adding a silk scarf is concealing and looks dashing. Best wishes for cheering your Mum up, dilly
Thanks Dilly your advice appreciated. Mum pretty anti scarves and hats at the mo but she has agreed to go the head scarf tying coffee morning that the breast cancer nurse has organised. I\'ve offered to go with her. Mum had her hair cut last night, her hairdresser was really good. Mum said today that it felt better waking up this am without loads of hair covering pillow.
I\'m going to book her a reflexology session thought this might be a bit of a treat.
Regards and thanks again
Hi Lambster Hi Lambster
I just wanted to let you know that I really felt for you when I read your post - its hard to watch your mum go through chemo. The side affects are nasty and it is something you wouldn\'t wish upon your worst enemy, let alone someone you love.
I too am very close to my mum. She has just undergone her second chemo session (EC) but other than the hair loss and tiredness thus far she is thriving on it. I\'m almost too scared to say that incase I\'m speaking too soon but we take each day as it comes. It\'s almost like it\'s the finest wine entering her body and not chemo. She really was poorly up until the chemo. She lost her hair very quickly, two weeks to the day after her first cycle it started thinning out noticibly, by that weekend (3 days before her next cycle) she was bald in many places.
This weekend I had to do the hardest thing yet (and you will see from her profile that we have been through so much together already), I shaved her head for her. She cried, I cried, I tried to use my teenage hairdressing experience to cut it short to make it look nice but it was falling out as fast as I was combing it. I never thought I would see my mum look in the mirror with such pain and upset. Like many women she is very proud, takes care of herself and her appearance. I know how I feel if the hairdresser takes 1/2inch off more than I wanted! I just held her and let her cry.
I did this for her on Sunday morning and Sunday afternoon she came round to my house for some TLC and dinner. She was wearing her wig - she looked stunning. Since Sunday she has gone from strength to strength - wig or scarf, she looks beautiful. Every day she makes the effort to put on a little make-up and it makes her feel better.
Just keep telling your mum how beautiful she is, how much you love her and offer to help with her hair if she wants you to i.e. shaving it off. My mum didn\'t want to ask me but she didn\'t want anyone else to do it for her - I wouldn\'t of had it any other way.
Take care of yourself and your mum - stay strong.
Best wishes
Kim
xx
HI Hello, my mum had b.c Feb 2005 and had chemo, i would say that loosing her hair was worse than all the chemo after effects, i am a hairdresser and we both decided to shave her hair when it started to fall out, it was the only time my mum saw me cry during all of it, i think its because it actually makes the person \'look\' ill. My little boy who was just under two at the time watched as we thought this way it wouldnt be such a fright for him(and he never thought any more about it!!)
Its very hard for the person concerned but we did make jokes about it afterwards, even my dad said \'oh it really suits you\' bless, they do try dont they!!
Now mums hair is back to normal, she now moans about me cutting it too short as usual!! She sounds very much like your mum, she only has a couple of close friends, was happier when she was at home, and if my son a runny nose he wasnt allowed within a mile of the house!!! She had many hats and bandannas and a wig (which was v. itchy during the last years hot weather) and more often than not she just went \'bald\', only wearing a wig when out in public (which wasnt that often)
Its a very hard time but it does pass. Thinking of you luv Mel
Thank you Hi Kim & Mel
Really appreciate you both taking time to reply. It sounds silly you know you\'re not alone and that thousands of people are going through same or worse. At risk of sounding corny it really does help to learn of others experiences.
Pleased to say over last couple of days Mum has been much brighter and has managed to go out twice with me wearing her wig. I think she\'s done really well - I don\'t mean that in a patronising sense I just know as I\'m sure all you guys do what a big thing it is.
Anyway thanks again - Kim; hope things go well with your Mum
xx Charlotte
Lambster so glad your Mum\'s on the up. there\'ll be more probs so it\'s great that she has you to help her. My daughters have been such a great help to me I KNOW what a good daughter means to a Mum, keep strong for both of you, dilly
Hello! Hi Lambster,
My mum was diagnosed in Nov last year and had 2 ops (Lump in Dec then lymph nodes in Jan) then she had 6 * FEC and 5 weeks of radiotherapy.... There was spread to 1 node cancer was stage 2 grade 2.
Her treatment finished mid August and she is starting to get back to \"normal\" now - Whatever normal is!
Losing her hair was probably the worst part but she has a fantastic wig. She has hair now a no 2 all over prob but she still wears her wig.
I am getting married in Dec and think she will wear her wig then.
The first few times she went out she felt really self consciuos until she realised noone noticed and it was really secure.....
Her wig was from hot hair and she got the same one on the nhs from the hospital to wear for best - Its called Maddi!
She tolerated chemo quite well - had some side effects and felt rotten for about 10 days - It does get slightly worse by session 5 as in she was more tired but because she knew only 2 more to go it was bearable.
She was very brave and I cant believe still she has been through it - It has been a long and a quick year and an awful and a good year all in one...... It certainly makes you all appreciate life more and each other....
Keep posting as it does help
Cuddles xx
Just seen where you are from I am from Croydon so mum was treated as Royal MArsden in Sutton - Where is your mum....
Aso my step dad had bladder cancer 2 years ago. Hope your dad is ok now
x
Chundering & Lightening... Hi Cuddles
Glad your Mum is getting over things. We\'re from West Dorset and have to say the Breast Cancer Team have been fantastic so really fortunate in that respect. Mum had a mastectomy in August ( after discovering lump at end of May) and 3 nodes were affected. 3rd course of FEC next Weds, suffering with \'chemo brain\' (as she calls it) at the moment...last night it was \'chundering and lightening\' I was \'screwlish\' (as I had to go out in really bad weather, she meant foolish). The one side effect she wasn\'t warned about! At least we can laugh! I\'m pleased to say she is growing in confidence by the day with her wig and has been out quite a bit this week.
Take care and thanks for your support
lambster x
Hi Lambster
I notice your from West Dorset, I\'m from Yeovil and being treated ay Yeovil District Hosp, I\'ve just had my 1st FEC (last Weds) was sick for the first 18 hours but now feeling much better just the naseau and chemo brain!! I am looking forward to having my Daugther home this weekend to give me some TLC (she\'s at Bath Uni) so my Husabnd has been looking after me this week, he has been amazing even managed to clean up the sick without being sick his self. Hopefully next time the Onc/BCTeam will change anti-sickness tablets.
I like your Mum am dreading the hairloss and for me this will prob be my lowest time. I have wig ready but am not confident in wearing it and not sure I want to wear headscarfes.
If your ever in Yeovil shopping we could meet to exchange horror stories.
Take Care and keep looking after mum - we couldnt do it without our Daughters.
Love
Clare
Hi Hi Clare, you look so glam and have such an attractive face im sure what ever you choose will look good, mum felt very strange with her wig at first but got used to it when out in public, it WAS the worst time for her being with no hair and unless you go through it im not sure any of us really understand what it feels like, now everytime mum is out and sees a woman with a scarf on her head or a lady who has gone \'comando\'(!!) on top, she feels she wants to go over and chat, and sometimes does and i must say when i see the same thing it makes me so emotional as it brings back memories of an absolute horrid time.
Mum is fine now (touch wood) and is back to moaning about doing her hair every morning which is great.
Take care luv Mel
Clare Hi Clare
Sorry I\'ve taken such a time to reply. How are things going? Sorry to hear you had such a rotten time after your first FEC. Mum had her third one this Tues - supposed to have it last week but blood count too low. Anyway all fine in the blood count department this week, so they were able to go ahead. Mum lot more confident with wig now, getting out and about which is good. I think she has coped with everything amazingly. Funny enough I was chatting with Mum yesterday about Yeovil, we were discussing department stores (I\'m after a new winter coat). Mum suggested I had a look in John Denvers, we nearly split our sides. Next time you walk past Denners think of us!
Take care and hope all goes well with your next session
Charlotte x
Hi Charlotte
John Denvers - whats you Mum like (put it down to the chemo brain) but it did give me a laugh. Glad your Mums getting out and about with the wig!. My hair is thinning a little at nape of neck, I\'m not sure if this is the start or just where the cold cap didnt touch (wishing thinking)
After the doggy start on FEC I\'m now fine with very few side effects, so hopefully this will continue with the next x 3. Next treatment is next Weds 8th Nov not looking forward to it but keep thinking I nearer to the end!
Keep taking care of your Mum, we couldnt do with the support of our family and friends.
Clare
x
Hi Clare
Good luck for Weds, I\'ll be thinking of you as you say it\'s another step closer to the end, let me know how you get on. Here\'s to you!
Take care
Charlotte x
Hair today gone today! Hi Charlotte
Hubby shaved my hair last night, I feel sad but relieved that I no longer have to wait for it to happen. I certainly dont look like Demi Moore in GI Jane, but not as bad as Matt Lucas! My Dad said he always wanted two boys!!! I think it was his way of trying to make me laugh.
I\'ll let you know how Weds goes - at least I only have to cope with the chemo side effects as I can forget about the hair for 6 months.
Hope Mum doing OK
Take Care
Clare x
Hi Clare
I think its one of the hardest things but I know with Mum even though it was very upsetting it was better than waking up to handfuls of hair. Mum tried the cool cap but by the second FEC she couldn\'t tolerate it - guess it was because her hair had thinned so the cap was really painful. I know it\'s easy for me to sit here and say it but it will grow back, some people say it comes back thicker and curlier. I have very thick curly hair and as I\'ve said to Mum, imagine, if that was me, I would end up looking like an extra from the 70s film \'Car Wash\'.
Joking aside you\'ve done a brave thing and I believe the right thing.
Mum doing ok thanks. Bit of a delayed reaction to the FEC this time. She was ok for the first couple of days and then the tiredness hit her. Luckily no sickness, we seem to have timed the anit-sickness pills right this time. I\'m pleased that she is going out for her lunch today with two ex work colleagues so I\'m sure she\'ll enjoy that.
Anyway you take care and good luck for tomorrow, thinking of you.
Charlotte x
my mum lost her hair too my mum lost her hair very quickly despite tolerating the cold caps. She had very thick, long, blonde, beautiful hair and was devastated to lose it.
At first I was very shocked to see how mum looked and like you I had to be very strong and avoid crying in front of her.
Mum has always been very glamorous. We bought lots of lovely scarves etc and found interesting ways to experiment with them and match them to her outfit etc. A little cotton hat was needed for night time as mum\'s head became very cold during the night. She was reluctant to wear her wig throughout her treatment.
I can now report that mum\'s hair is growing back and she\'s got a definite Kylie thing going on which looks amazing--very trendy I think!
Like yourself I was also filled with tears and rage which I had to hide from mum and my boys who were very upset that grandma was unwell.
All I can say is that it\'s a long journey that you have to go on. Mum and I did it together. I went to every treatment and appointment with her from diagnosis to the end of her radiotherapy 6 weeks ago. I told myself that I would have to be very strong and brave to help mum cope.
She has been amazing and it feels now that we can see the light at the end of the tunnel at long last. It\'s been the worst year of our life but has strengthened our close bond even more than ever before.
Good luck with your mum. Sending you love xx