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Memory boxes. How much is enough?
Hi Girls.
I could be going under the knife very soon for brain mets and having 3 little ones I am putting together memory boxes.
I might not have a lot of time surgery might only be days away.
So far this is what I done.......
Photo album for eack child and I've written comments next to each page.
A set each of our video and photos for the computer.
A good by card and letter.
I will sort them out each a item of clothing and I am doing a joint scarapbook/folder of my memories and things about me I would them to know.
I am looking for easy ideas that are not to time consuming...
I may have more time infact I intend to but being real it is an op to the brain.
will is in order, funeral wishes and the rest of my affairs.
thanks for taking the time to read this post and answer.
Best wishes
Tess.X
So sorry thst you are having to do this - and hope the op goes well...
All i could suggest is perhaps a cd of favourite music - especially if there is anything you like to sing together...
Do you have a favourite perfume / body wash fragrance they would associate with you...?
I know you've already mentioned a card... but if you could face it also cards to open on special days... 21st birthday etc...
Take care...
Love Theresa
Hi Tess
The following link will take you to some more resources which you may find helpful, the Winston's wish charity provides support and information about memory boxes which I thought you may be interested in in particular. I hope this helps a little.
http://www.breastcancercare.org.uk/server/show/ConWebDoc.365
Take care
Lucy
Hi Tess
Don't know how old your children are but would particularly recommend the "No matter what" book by Debi Gliori. It's about a baby fox (Small) and his mother and her love for him. The recurring phrase is "I'll always love you no matter what". He asks a number of questions but the final one is about whether she will still love him when she's dead. She shows him the stars and explains that some stars died a long time ago but "Still they shine in the evening skies. Love like starlight never dies".
Amazon sell it but I believe the board book version is different and has omitted the last question, so go for the paperback one.
As Theresa has suggested, cards for key events might be good or even a small gift for them to open on (eg) their first day at secondary school or 18th birthdays.
Must be so hard putting all this together but hope that it is also helping in some ways. ANd really hope that the op goes well and you will have much more time to add to these memory boxes.
Sending you lots of love and a big hug Kay xx
I really hope your surgery goes well and gives you plenty more time with your family, i would put in the boxes a lock of hair, my mum died 3yrs ago and wished i had some, even though i,m 48, and she was 79yrs,
Lornaxxx
Hope surgery goes well it must be a scary time for you.I wondered if you might want to leave some piece of jewellery specifically to each of your little ones.Perhaps take a photo of the item for the box and leave them in safe keeping of trusted adult for them to have later.
Hi Tess
I hope your surgery goes well and that you in fact have lots more time to sort out memory boxes for your children.
Cant really help with the ideas, as am stuck trying to do 2 for my little ones, and not really got anywhere as such, partly cos I dont really know where to start and partly cos I cant get my head around doing it.
Lots of pics is good, perfume and any jewellry maybe for them.
I was thinking of maybe buying wedding day cards (long way off for mine), but maybe would be nice. So hard isnt it to think of doing things like this.
Take care and lots of love (sorry I am of no help here).
Dawn
xxx
hi, like the others , I really hope your surgery goes as well as it can and that you have lots of time to do your memory boxes. I have a little book where I write about special days/ memories, talk about my/ our favourite songs etc, for my little boy. I don't do it regularly, but it only takes an hour or so when I get round to doing it. It is very hard though.
Thinking of you,
Nicky
First I wish you well, mate had brain mets too and I hope you like her will be able to show off your 'wicked' scars.
Not sure what you put in a memory box but things that will remind them of you and fun times. My aunt died when I was 9 and I used to spend hours with her while she sewed and to this day a pin on the floor reminds me of her that and the ice cream man coming round.
So I think ordinary every day things that the kids associate with you.
Could even be a bungy cord for the bike or ear plugs, love is odd its often not the big things that bring the smile of loved remembrance but the little things that say that was my mum.
All the best and Ride Safe in that op.
g xx
Hi
Ehcoing the others, I hope that your surgery goes well and that you are soon back telling us so.
I've had an idea to nominate someone fun and creative to co-ordinate two memory books/boxes that are put together using comments, photo's mementos, cards etc. that friends and family contribute. It can also be signed further at the funeral with comments and thoughts.
I also intend to also do my own memory scrapbooks with them, a sensory box and a special photo album too. Plus cards and letters. I also think often about writing a short autobiography but I haven't done any of it yet! I'm a real photo fanatic and a hoarder so my life is well stored in pictures and boxes in the attick...
Sending you best wishes and hopes
Lea x
Best of luck Tess, with your operation. I hope it is successful and that your recovery is swift.
I have heard many people wish they could hear the voice of their loved one. Perhaps something taped for them, not necessarily deep and meaningful but just so they can remember your voice.
Take care Tess,
Jenny
x
P.S. Thanks for The Debi Gliori link, Kay, she rules the roost in our house at present so will definitely look out for this book.
Hi Ladies,
Thanks for all your kinds words and suggestions.
I have ordered a couple of books and the ww memory cards and
hoping to go shopping later for gifts of jerwlery for the children.
Watches for the boys and a necklas for my daughter.
Pleas if I may encourge all of you to start something I have been in a horrid position and would not wish this panic or anxiety on anyone.
Best wished to you all
Tess.x
Hi, I don't have any different suggestions for the memory boxes but just wanted to let you know that I had a craniotomy 15 months ago and I was surprised how quickly I felt normal afterwards. I came home 3 days after the op and recovered really well. I hope the same for you and that you'll have plenty of time to do the memory boxes.
Best wishes, Gemini.
Hi Tess, I sorry I don't have anything to add to the others ideas, but just wanted to send you my very best wishes and hopes that the operation goes smoothly and successfully. Thinking of you.
Nikki
Don't do wedding cards. Your children might not get married..whether by choice or not.
Jane x
Hi Tess
I've got nothing extra to add to these suggestions but just wanted to wish you good luck with the op and hope your recovery is quick and it does the trick.
Nicky x
hi im jude and think i have some suggestions for your memory boxes
maybe a lock of your hair in a locket
if you wear perfume they could smell you and memories come flooding beck with smells ive lost my mum and sister and if i smell their purfume its great and brings back memories
lots of birthday cards especially the big ones 16 18 21 30 etc
hope that helps takecare jude
I've put a notebook in each of their boxes and written down anything that comes to mind, e.g. funny things they used to say (like snotrils for nostrils!)and particular friends thay had or games they played.Proud moments. Things a Mum would remember but not necessarily anyone else.
Also I'm a terrible hoarder and had kept a favourite book each. You know, the one they make you read over and over and over again.
And any baby items which I kept have gone in too.
Passing each of them a piece of my jewellery is a nice idea too, and will save arguments.
Best of luck for your op Tess, looking forward to hearing all about it
love Jacquie xx
How about a photo of you and your child together in a special frame.
A cuddly toy that they can associate as mummy's last present.
Cards - but difficult to gauge how they develop and what milestones they may reach.
Lastly, a hand-written diary is so special. They can just read and re-read it time and again, as to how much you love them.
Good Luck
Tess, I was quite touched when reading your blog...you have wonderful ideas. Please make sure that you leave a tape, video,or cd with your voice...I miss my mother's and twin sister's voices. They both have passed on from breast cancer. I pray for a miracle for you. Let us know how you are doing. Norma
Tess, you havn't posted for some time, I do hope all is well, your blog affected me a lot.
I bought my daughter a memory box for her children from here http://www.woodenmemoryboxes.co.uk She has filled it with lot of interesting things including audio cd's. Lovely Idea.
Thinking of you
Hello
As someone who lost her Mum to BC when 8 years old, with only one or two photos and nothing else I applaud you ladies and your presence of mind and foresight. My Mum died many years ago, before video cameras, digital cameras, PCs etc.
I wish for:
voice recording
people's recollections of her character
funny things SHE said
HER likes and dislikes
information about HER childhood, her schooling, where she lived, her family
photographs
her party dress and shoes
jewellery
things she had touched and loved - handbags, HER favourite items
recipes that she used
things with HER writing on e.g. her autograph book
poetry or books that she liked
HER makeup, nail varnish, sunglasses
keep notes of these things about yourselves so that they can read about where you bought a daft pair of shoes or funky hat or whatever and what made you buy it
books you read, pages you've leafed through - pencil notes in the margins or mark out favourite passages
tell them about how childhood was for you and for them
tell them about your struggles
tell them about theirs, as babies/toddlers
I wouldn't leave anything that is obviously illness related like hospital wristbands or suchlike - that would be crushing
keep menus from taking them out for dinner, write down what they had
keep tickets from special trips
save mementos from holidays etc.
take them to museums and the countryside and the seaside and show them what a good country they live in
Sorry, that's rather a long list, it can never be enough ...
D
Hi Tess
Although i am 30 yrs old, i lost my mum in April this year.
Unfortunately my mum didnt know her time was running out, it happened very quickly!
With me being or assuming that i'm older than your children, i did my own memory book. i started this as soon as my mum was diagnosed with secondary, i had to take pictures secretly because she hated having her photo's taken, even before she became ill.
Anyway to get to the point, i had nothing to remind properly of my mum, which she had arranged herself.
Just after she died, i was walking around boots, i could smell my mum's perfume, i stopped this lady in the shop asking what the perfume was, when she told me i asked for this for my birthday. My husband not only got my the perfume, but the body lotion and shower gel, this may sound sad, but you do not understand how this has made me feel being able to smell her. Just for a second i think she is around and that is alot of comfort, other than that i have nothing.
I think you are extremely brave and amazing for what you are doing for your children, and i cant imagine how hard this is for you to do.
I know i may not have given suggestions, but just wanted you to know, i would give anything to have what you are doing for your children.
I hope and pray everything is going well for you xx
Hi,
My mum died from BC 24 years ago.
The things I treasure are the jumper ( obviously don't wear it!! ) she knitted for me in her last few months.
When I got married I had her wedding ring, so she is always with me.
Her recipe book, written in her hand, I made tomato chutney with my 11 year old this summer and the smell of it cooking took me back years.
I have a tape of her reading a play ( very badly ) and she is laughing so much she can hardly speak.
Kat xx
hi all, i started boxes for my grandkids as i wont see their 18ths i got fairy godmothers for the girls and wizards for the boys each is in a small bag with a lovley printed card saying what they are and and off grandama they realy are lovley....
I think some of the other ladies are absolutely right with the sounds and smells of motherhood - of course you want to put in photos, of you with them, and their family/pets etc etc. I think birthday cards for those 'special' dates are lovely, and something I would definitely put in. A hand written letter, specific to each child, saying why that child is SO special to you, of your pride in them, something very individual to each one, so that they can never doubt that you loved them desperately.
However, it is often not our vision that evokes the most memories - smell is SO important - so definitely, if you wear perfume, leave some of that, or even your favourite shower gel/talc.. deodorant! They are all the smells that make up 'mum'. Taste - do they have a favourite meal or cake that you make for them? Leave them the recipe - so they can re-create it as they get older, and 'know' that they are making it just like mum did. Hearing - it is so sad when we realise we have forgotten just what someone's laugh was like - maybe a dvd with you talking and laughing on? Touch - nothing can replace a mother's hug - but for those days and long nights that may be ahead (although obviously, I hope they are a long, long way off for you!), a small cushion or teddy that has shared your bed, will not only be a soft cuddle, but will still, for a while, retain the smell of mum, too.
I think the jewellery is a lovely idea, and the lock of hair too - I cannot imagine how hard this must be for you right now - but it is very thought provoking.. and I think, though my prognosis is good.. that my memory boxes perhaps might begin to be filled...
All blessings on you at this terribly difficult time, and all the love in the world is winging its way to you and your family, from me and mine.
Sophie xxx
Your boxes sound lovely Avril. I have not been able to do anything yet..I really must steel myself to leave something. (Although I knit and sew and have made some little fabric hearts for my family and cross stitched little messages on them..so guess I have done something.) My grandmother died 36 years ago and every morning I use her old breadknife which has, I believe, a bakelite handle. I also have a milk jug she used every day. It's lovely to have these ordinary yet, to me, special things, use them and remember. Sophie yes smells are so evocative. When I think of my grandmother I always recall the smell of fresh baked current buns and bunches of lilac. My Mum always liked Estee Lauder's 'Beautiful.'
And remembering Tess, who started this thread and others who contributed at the time..xx
What wonderful ideas. These boxes will become much treasured by your children.
I was 40 when my mum died at 60, ten years ago as the result of a brain tumour. I have lots of memories and she was there for most of the 'important' events in my life, so we were very lucky. However, it is the memories that sustain me, not any of the things that she left, and I am sure that will be true for most, even if you .
All of the women who have posted sound like lovely, caring mothers and you will have already created wonderful memories with your children that they will treasure along with the boxes that you create.
Best wishes,
Jacqui
Hello Tess,
So sorry to hear your story, did your Doctors think the operation will be a success?
I lost my mother over a year ago and the thing that brought her right back to me was the smell of her perfume on a scarf I had in a bag I'd kept in my chest of drawers. Just a thought.
Love Myfanwy
P.S. I really hope the operation is a success and you don't have to worry about a memory box for sometime to come.
Hi myfanwy, sadly Tess died a few months ago. A very inspirational lady.
Tess's friend Justy posted here, link below.
http://www.breastcancercare.org.uk/forum/bikinggirl-t27969.html
just as a idea about memory boxes, i made an index of the things in the boxes and what they ment to me eg who the rings belonged to before me wat certain bits and bobs ive put in ment to certain people