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Poetry thread
I am not convinced that this isn't a naff, embarrassing idea but have decided that if it does turn out to be like that I will just hide myself away under a (big) rock for ever more......
I find it helpful to express my feelings about my breast cancer in rhymes and posted one a few days ago. Normally I keep them firmly locked up in a secret book!
I suspect others may already write their own rhymes, or might like to have a go, so I thought a poetry thread could work? I think it's sometimes easier to connect with other people through a poem/rhyme so it might help people reading them as well as the people writing them? I envisage a thread that people can dip in and out of and won't necessarily be top of the leader board on the forum latest posts but that could provide a good resource for connecting with people going through the same as you.
Hope it works. If not then I accept the shame! Please post your stuff.
Vickie
My rhyme from the other thread:-
Today i think that I
have really had enough
No more smiling "all is well"
Cos I'm feeling really rough
My hair is crap, my eyebrows scarce
My breast is sore and wonky
My tummy's fat, my nails are cracked
I'm just feeling really shonky.
I'm 37 but feeling 60,
Menopausal wit hot flushes
Friends avoid discussing it
I think to save their blushes.
No more periods, no more babies
No big family for me
Though highchair, car seat, pram and cot
Are waiting patiently.
"Count your blessings", "You're all clear"
All very well intentioned
"You caught it early, you'll be fine"
The deaths are seldom mentioned.
Desperate to put time behind me
To be a few years older,
So i can try to live without
This monkey on my shoulder.
Oh alright then, here's one of me poems...
The ballad of the lonesome booby
I have a little problem
(It’s relatively new)
I only have one booby
where once I sported two
My little puppy’s noses
used to snuggle close together
they filled my bra up nicely
and kept me warm in chilly weather
But one of my little girlies
tried to do away with me
So they lopped her off and sentenced me
to chemotherapy
And my one remaining bosom
Is feeling quite bereft
she was once part of a double act
now she’s the only one that’s left
I’ve got a little softie
that stops my bra from gaping
but I have to fix it with pin
to keep it from escaping
I also have a stick on boob
but to get it straight is fiddly
and when I pull it off I look
like I’ve been humping squiddly diddly!
So I have a lovely drawer full
of bras, but can’t use any
as I now have one breast too few
and they one cup too many
Hey thats fab! Loved it
both are fab and both sad too
"Cancer Can F*** Right Off"
Prologue
I'm not a soldier, I'm not “fighting”, I'm me and just trying to cope.
And don't tell me that it suits me being bald because it doesn't and I hate it, HATE IT, and FFS don't say I look like Sinead O'Connor.
My hair's long gone
Brows and lashes running scared
Steroids make me fat
Nails dry, flaking and falling off.
...I look and feel like shit. Oh, I feel really pretty. Not.
I'm still the person I always was
I just can't see her right now.
Duncan Goodhew is
SO not a good look for a girl.
...A fleeting glance of myself in a mirror still shocks me. Oh, and I'm not brave.
Scarred and sore and much surgery yet to come
Three months of this so far
Mouth ulcers from lips to arse; this chemo's great
I'd puke up if only I could eat.
...And still the steroids make me look fat and healthy. I'm not “looking well”, I feel like crap.
Imagine that YOU were just given
A 50-50% chance of being around.
And five more years' treatment planned.
"Think about Kylie, she's OK".
...So she wasn't one of the twelve thousand who die in the UK from breast cancer each year, then?
Believe me, I want to put this behind me
And live a few more years with so much to do
Seeing the kids grow up
Travelling the world, having fun
...There is still so much that I want to achieve.
Epilogue
The cancer stick hits whomsoever it chooses
Regardless of whether they are cheerful or not.
No-one can stay cheerful every day
Even without a death sentence hanging over them.
...Now pass me the morphine and stop telling me that I have to stay f***ing positive all the time.
how dare you come into our lives,
to give us worry beyond measure,
how dare you come and take away
the carefree days we treasure
,
how could you make our loved ones cry
and cause them sleepless nights
and then you go and challenge us
to nasty endless fights.
well youve taken on the wrong crowd here,
we are stronger than you think,
cos as a team we draw our strength
we have one massive link.
you see we love our families
more than you could ever know,
and this will keep us fighting you ,
and amazing strength we'll show,
so if you think we'll just give in,
then you couldnt be more wrong,
you arent just fighting one of us,
cos as a team we're strong
and when we feel a little low or sad,
we post on here you see,
and we all support each other,
like a little family.
to my bc family of fighters xxx
Chemo
You robbed me of my hair;
brows, lashes, even from 'down there'.
Chemo
You fuzzed up my mind;
Unable to reason, forgetting all the time.
Chemo
You robbed me of enjoyment of food;
Your impact on my digestion is too crude.
Chemo
You made me feel ill and old;
And alternating between too hot and cold.
Chemo
You robbed me of my energy and zing.
But chemo, I promise you one thing
You will NOT FECcing beat me, so FEC OFF.
Apologies if anyone finds this offensive, this was how I felt on FEC
am loving this thread..
Less worried about naffness now, these poems are fab!
no tors not naff at all a real brainstorm thanks x
Hi- this is one from the early days.
questions for the surgeon
What operation should I have ? why?
( Did you cut things up as a child? )
How long will it take ?
(When should my family start to worry?
How long will it take for me to recover?
( When will I know what I am going to look like?)
What are the possible complications ?
( Am I going to survive this ?)
"do you have anymore question"
No...
( what do you think about when you are cutting people open? Are you nice to your family, animals, old people, children? Do I remind you of your mother, sister, an ex wife/ girlfriend?..... Did you like them?
Questions for the oncologist
What chemotherapy will I have.?
(What poison are you going give me?)
When will it start?
( how long am I going to have my hair?)
What are the benefits of this treatment?
( did the last one like me survive?)
"Any other questions?"
No...
( Were you bullied at school? Do I remind you of that bully? Do you have a God complex? Will you remember me the moment I leave this room.? I won't forget you......
Debx
What a clever bunch you are!!
Midge i loved yours ! and Fairy Queen you have done what i have not done since DX ...you made me cry...i absolutely loved it and have printed it off!
Am useless at writing but keep it up those of you who can these are really good, well done
Sal x
I love the ballad of the lonesome booby. I just copied it and sent it to my mum. I think she'll like that.
xx
i didnt write this my daughter did
I'm scared and angry but just not with you,
Someone awake me and say its all not true.
All these emotions are just crammed inside,
why can't cancer just get cancer and die?
Because it likes to see you in pain and suffer,
go away cancer your not taking my mother.
She means so much to everyone and me,
So one day from you she will be free.
It's because we're there for her and encourage her to be strong,
That she will beat you it shouldn't take long.
When she beats and she will one day,
We'll all be happy again and keep you at bay.
Thats lovely Honeybee and it just reminded me of this poem my son wrote for me
Dear Mum
I know sometimes it seems like I can't see
All the great things you do for me
And lately I've been feeling real guilty
With all the stuff that's going on lately
But we will stay strong all the way
I'll be by your side every day
I'm sorry for the times I treat you bad
And right now I feel so sad
Can't imagine how you feel now, it's true
But Mum just know I'm so proud of you
The next year might be tough
But you have such support, more than enough
Just wanted to let you know I'm here
For every cry and every tear
You are my wonderful Mum
Couldn't wish for a better one
Those last two are so touching, straight from the heart.
I've another, but it's light hearted and silly as my first one.
Thoughts on being bald
When I was a hairy bird
before chemo stripped me bare
I used to hide behind my fringe
and swish my shiny hair
I had lovely bushy eyebrows
that I used to pluck with care
so luxuriant and rich were they
small mammals would nest there
I had thick and glossy lashes
as dark as dark could be
and I would bat them ever so
if someone fancied me
But now I’ve lost my plumage
this hairy bird’s been beat
my head is a dry and barren place
my hairbrush obsolete
My lovely bushy eyebrows
Have fluttered down and died
My man said “you’re still beautiful”
He’s lovely… but he lied
My thick and glossy lashes
Were the very last to go
My eyes now pink and pasty
Like pi**holes in the snow
Now must then be the winter
Of my discontent
All of my deciduous foliage
Has been and gone and went
you have a real talent kittiekat you could write a book, so funny !! x
Really good stuff on here - I can identify with all of them. Heartfelt and true. Will have to get my thinking cap on...!
Thanks everyone what a lovely thread. Kittycat love both yours, I was upset and tearful at the time flicking through post read your boob one and started to giggle thanks hon! Just what I needed . X
Hope this doesn't bring anyone down, its really not supposed too. It was just my thoughts having being diagnosed with secondaries.......
Surrounded by friends, loving family and the sanctury of home
my world just stops still, vacant and empty, awaiting for the last glass to overspill
Its not being maudlin and wallowing in grief
but its now a special time, to cherish, savour, never to repeat
To look back on the past, with much joy, tinged with sadness
is to reflect on my being, just me, I, alone
Not changing or tweeking the things that have happened
but relishing and treasuring moments of me being...... me
The life I've had is past now, but not forgotten
joy and laughter my lifes blood as the nature beyond
Filling my heart and my body with something quite special
beating, pumping and vibrant, creating me being..... me
To those I hold dear, words will never explain it
the connection, the spark, energy, you can never disect
The depth of feelings created when eyes do the greeting
it lights up the world for me being...... me
To some I am loud, brash and some say outspoken
oh, annoying at times, on that we agree
No forerunner or leader of men, but buzzing through life like no care in the world
its just gotta be perfect the bee being....me
Its hoped, with your help that I have gained some slight wisdom
your input has moulded and shaped me, yes, its all down to you
Don't stop what you are doing, please hold and just love me
to make it worthwhile for me being..........me
Trying to say, but rambling as usual
Please top my glass up, as I am thirsty, what's new!
with moments and pleasures taken from the struggle ahead of us
I'll carry on going with the help of you being........YOU
Clare x
Clare thats a brilliant poem and perfect for this thread as my aim was to provide a wide ranging resource about bc and all of its realities, and a venue for those of us who want to to be able to share it. Really thought provoking , (and scarily clever too!)Thanks for posting.
I'm loving this thread!
Vickie
x
Clare, it didn't bring me down but it did make me think and it made me cry. Thank you for sharing it with us.
Jane xxx
What beautiful poems. Some made me laugh, some made me think and a couple made me cry.
Lovely idea for a thread, I love reading them.
Rachel
x
This is what I've come up with
Cancer
Who's that fat bird in the mirror?
Surely it can't be me!
I look like Tweedle Dum
Or is it Tweedle Dee?
Where once there was a mane so lush
There's now just a bit of fluff
And where are the brows and lashes
My God this girl looks rough!
And what's going on below the neck?
My boob has lost her mate
Where once she hung, a wee bit south
It's now a sorry state!
My nails were once like talons
All beautiful and painted
Now short and ridged and flaky
Definitely tainted!
And what is that below the belt?
I thought cancer made you thin
Now I'm wearing enormous knickers
My thongs have been put in the bin
There's a port in my arm where the poison goes in
A permanent reminder
Oh where is the girl that I once was?
I hope that I can find her
I'm sure she's in there somewhere
Just waiting to come back
With new thick hair and lovely long nails
And a brand new fantastic rack!
Love this thread Vickix
One from me about the journey
Brick wall
Heavy loss
Fear and pity
Criss cross
Tears and tantrums
Silent prayer
Wonder if you hear me there
Sick and lonely
World’s still
People moving
Take a pill
Hand on heart
Think I’m dying
In my hole see me crying
Kind hands
Knife in
Fear and loss
Looks grim
Grieving me
Mother too
Wonder how I’ll make it through
End time
Last zap
Burn out
That’s that
Tired now
Finally free?
What does all this mean to me?
Love this...away to be a poet - and i dont know it !!! thats a start
11th May 2011
Happy Birthday 45!!
Just be thankful you’re alive
You have cancer, rather large
No guarantees u will survive
What’s a breast that’s now diseased?
Will I miss you when you leave?
The hair now lost has been replaced
To loose a breast is in distaste
But as a mum a wife a friend
Do a need my booby friend
You’ve proved you’re sick and quite contagious
And you might kill me, and that’s outrageous!!!
So in regret I say ta ta
A breast is a breast, my life is a blast
Goodbye my cancer my rotten friend
I love my life and will survive in the end..........
I hope some of you know Forgiven (Alexander Beetle) by A A Milne
:0(
I had a big soft booby. It didn't have a name;
It snuggled nicely in my bra with another just the same.
I didn't think about it much, it always was just there
Then a surgeon cut my booby off, he went and cut my booby off
and I no longer had a pair.
He said I had cancer, the booby wasn't good
It needed to be cut off and he said he would.
I know he had to do it and I had to have it done,
But now instead of two boobies, I only have the one.
I've heard surgeons can rebuild as well as just cut out,
I want to get this done, but still I have a doubt.
They might create something marvellous, as pert as can be,
But I have this sneaking feeling, it just won't feel like me.
*bump*
Thank You.
June