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Recent visit to the Doctor.
I recently went to see my Dr. after feeling unwell. I had finished all of my treatment last November. I had a mastectomy, chemo and rads and am now taking Arimidex. It certainly hasn't been a walk in the park as anyone who has had or has breast cancer will testify.
I tried to tell her how I was feeling and I got really upset. I asked her if there will ever come a day when I do not think about this awful disease ? She then proceeded to tell me that I should feel fortunate that Iv'e only had breast cancer (which was treatable) and not something as life limiting as a brain haemorrhage. Also like another of her patients who was having to travel 3 times a week to receive Kidney Dialysis. I was so shocked that I could not think of a reply to this. I went away feeling ten times worse than I did when I went in to see her. Doesn't she think I know there are many other diseases that one could suffer from. I just feel so inadequate now.
I have really thought long and hard about telling you all about this. I just feel as if i didn't deserve to be treated this way. Every morning when take a shower I am reminded of this awful disease. I am due to have a breast reconstruction within the next couple of months and hope this may make me feel better.
Thanks all for listening to me.
Oh dear Beanie, you are not alone.
I have now begun to think that I am being a nuisance when I go to see my GP and he has been the best. I think that it is because we just are expected to get on with things when we have finished the treatment. I honestly feel that we are just dismissed and left to our own devices. There really should be some kind of follow up service for us.
Do you have a Maggie's near you? It would help a lot if you could meet up with people who have been in the same situation. Have you thought of phoning the BCN's where you were treated and see if they know of anyone you could speak to.
Do you actually feel ill physically or has it all to do with thinking that you are not the same any more? If the latter, join the club. Perhaps the recon will help but in the meantime you need to talk. Phone the helpline here and have a good talk with a trained person.
E
I cannot believe this doctor!! How insensative. It is quite normal when coming to the end of the long haul to have emotional problems, this doctor does not know her stuff.
You need to talk to someone with experiance of what this disease does to women, both physically and emotionally. First of all the help line will be brilliant if you ring them tomorrow, that is just what they are there for.
Does your hospital breast unit offer councelling?? I know mine does. People need help at all stages of this journey.
Now you went because you are feeling unwell, is it because of the feeling of cancer being there everyday, or is it because there might be something else wrong with you? If you do have other symptoms did the doctor sort those out or did her onslought make you leave the surgery before you got your treatment?? If you think you might not be well you need to get back to the doctors and ask to see someone else.
you certainly are not inadequate!! you have gone through so much treatment and still have some to come. It's your doctor who is inadequate, its a wonder she did not also remind you of the starving children in Africa too! how can one patients suffering be compared to anothers and found wanting??
you did right to come on here and post, you cannot sit there and cope with it by yourself
Your Dr needs shooting! Does she tell someone with a stomach ulcer to go away and be thankful it's not cancer?
Your emotional distress is real and important - even if it was caused by an ingrowing toenail, and to dismiss it in the way she did is unforgivable.
You deserve better - scream and shout until you get it!
Sending hugs.
Dx
That is terrible treatment, Beanie.
I had a similar experience from a doctor at my own surgery and now refuse to see her whenever I (rarely) make an appointment to see them. I did think about leaving some feedback on the service I'd experienced on the NHS choices website but, as much as I was really upset, and angry, and still am, I was also desperately trying to accept my circumstances at the time and just move forward and so let it go instead. Unfortunately, though, it does mean that I am reluctant to go to the surgery at all now because I am worried about how they may treat me, which is never a good idea when someone has got a health condition such as cancer (and/or diabetes and...and...whatever) which needs to be treated/monitored - and that is even before they should think about somebody's psychological well being.
You could think about leaving some feedback on your experience yourself - to hold them to account - but you do need to speak to a doctor if the reason you went to see them in the first place has not been resolved/addressed.
Ooh, they make me furious sometimes but please do not ever feel inadequate - it is not a competition.
Talk away.
Naz
Thank you all so much for your replies and support. It is very much appreciated. I actually went to see her because I had been feeling unwell over the weekend with severe dizziness. She did say that it could be hormonal or Vertigo. As I had never experienced this before I was scared.
I will defiantly give the helpline a call tomorrow. I am still feeling a little raw and tearful at the moment and feel such a fool if I start to cry on the phone. But I do feel better now I have shared this experience with you all.
Beaniebaby (I have a very big box of them up in my bedroom, love the name!)
Your GP needs a very sharp lesson! DJ got it completely right with the stomach ulcer thing, and that might be something you could say to her next time you see her, to let her know just how upset you were.
The thing is, the G in GP is "General", not "specialist", and they can't be expected to know in detail all about every disease they come across, but even so her attitude was incredibly insensitive. Just like the "well I could be hit by a bus tomorrow" comment that often gets thrown around by those who are trying to tell us to snap out of it. They seem to forget that WE could also be hit by a bus tomorrow, on top of all the cancer rubbish we've been through!
Your doc's comment is a prime candidate for the "annoying things people say" thread...
Anyway, I've just been rambling rather than saying anything meaningful, but I'm sure you get the picture that you have my sympathies, and I agree with what the others have said.
You may be one of the many who finds counselling a help in order to deal with all the treatment we've had and the fears that will stay with us.
Beaniebaby,
If you start to cry on the phone, all you are doing is showing yourself and the person you are talking too that this is an issue for which you need help. Just make sure you have a box of tissues beside you, and a cuppa or glass of water and go for it!
It seems a rather old fashioned approach for your doctor to take. There does seem to be a lot of awareness of this problem in Breast Care units, perhaps it hasn't percolated outwards to GPs yet. In the out patient clinics and in our Cancer Support Services Unit there are MacMillan booklets about this stage and certainly one about The Emotional Effects of Cancer
I am a year after diagnosis and have completed all my treatment(cross fingers etc) and generally feel it is my task just now to get my head round it all. I have times when I am doing nice normal things and feeling happy and cheerful, but sometimes tears come out of nowhere. A friend today was wanting me to make a commitment to some voluntary work together over the next year,and I was aware that I did not want to make this commitment until after my annual check with mammogram.
You are not alone
Hugs
Lavender
xx
yes dont let crying stop you ringing the help line, they are used to it and you can either stay on trying to talk through the tears or just hang up and try later, they are used to lots of hang-ups ( I meant telephone hang-ups)
Even if after a good nights sleep you feel better about the doctor incident, the underlying emotional feeling are probably there somewhere and migh benefit from an airing with a professional
Beaniebaby - what you are feeling is perfectly normal after everything you've been through. 4 years ago I had chemo, mx with anc, rads and tamoxifen (later changed to arimidex). I kept going and coped with it all well, went on a short trip to London 10 months after diagnosis and went to bits one day over deciding what I wanted for lunch !!!! OH and I went back to hotel and I calmed down and then we went out again. I felt ashamed and a failure but as I came to realise, it was just a reaction that hit later. My onc has said on several occasions since then, that it is a form of post traumatic stress - you try to keep going for months and at some point your body needs to have a break. I tried to go back to work a couple of months later but couldn't cope and went to pieces again with the surgeon at a checkup. Very embarrassing but he was so sweet and said it wasn't at all surprising and that I may never be up to work again (I have bone secondaries so have regular treatment). I ended up retiring due to ill-health at the ripe old age of 43!! Best thing I ever did. Guess I'm trying to say the specialists are aware of the longer term effects of bc and you are not on your own like this. You have to have been there to understand it.
Re your GP. Those remarks are so insensitive and very unprofessional. It's easy for me to say this next bit but I would write to the practice to complain about her manner. It has obviously upset you very much (understandably so) and it needs flagging up. If she says that type of things to others, they may take it differently and may have a very drastic reaction. My mum and dad had poor treatment from our practice (several incidents and a long story) and although mum wasn't feeling her best, she made an appointment with a senior GP, wrote down all the issues they'd had and made it a complaint. He wasn't impressed as he was one of the GPs involved but mum was determined they had to know officially.
I've rambled on here, sorry, but hope it has given you some support.
Good luck with the reconstruction too.
O
I remember when I had my pre opp check & needed to have my heart checked & was told the lady doing wont know what my surgery was, which at the time I thought was strange to be informed about. I went for my ECG where this lovely young lady asked me what surgery I was having so I told her BIG MISTAKE she looked at me & said don't look so upset these things are sent to try us & started banging on about the power of God ... OK I could handle some of what she was saying she then went on to tell me about the horrific car accident she had been in & that she was on life support for weeks in coma THEN persisted on showing me all her scars on her head & tell me how many stitches she had .. 2So you are lucky2 she said WTF I just glared one of my real 'P*ssed off' looks which she just wasn't getting I couldn't get out there quick enough if I hadn't got out when I did I would have screamed at her to just get out of my face as I was not in an emotional place to hear all that.
Don't let these ppl get you down its even worse hearing it from the health professionals they SHOULD know better
Mekala x
Hi Beanie
I too feel like a nuisance when I visit my Dr. I am on Tamoxifen and have had dreadful knee pain but Dr just dismisses this as something that happens with age (i am 53) I really sympathise with you. I had Tram Flap reconstruction in Dec 2010 it all went really well. This has made me feel better about my body.
Take care and good luck
Carolyn x
Nobody deserves to be treated like that - change your doctor - you would not let anyone else treat you like that in any other situation so kick her into touch!
Dear Beaniebaby,
First of all a big hug to you. I cannot believe that this Dr has been so dreadful to you. As all the other 'girls' have said call the BCN they will listen to you and I know are very understanding.
I too have had MX mine was last Oct had recon straight away, however had another set back and had another tumour in other breast 8 months later (very rare so I was told) and had to have another MX June this year, again recon straight away. I constantly think about the cancer now as have been shaken by the other breast being diseased. It is very natural to feel this way, whether it's happened once twice or whatever. Other ladies that I'm in contact with go to support groups, try and see if you have some close by or see if the BCN at your hospital will know of any nearby. Let your tears flow, it's a good stress reliever. Always remember we are always here and what you are feeling is very normal indeed.
Take care and more hugs to you Chrissyxxx