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Sisters I\'m feeling really upset today - I cancelled a work trip to Brussels next week to go with my sister to get her genetic test result and now she\'s told me she hasn\'t decided if she wants me to go with her yet!
I don\'t know why this has upset me so much, but it really has. I\'ve been worrying non-stop since she had her blood test and want nothing more than for her to be negative. But if she is positive, I also want to be there for her. I\'m not going to push her in any direction - what she does after her result is up to her - but I do want to suppport whatever decision she makes.
She says she wants time to absorb the news of the result before talking about it - and I can understand that - but I still feel like she\'s pushing me away. She said something really odd when she want for the test - she said she didn\'t want me to go in with her (I waited in the waiting room) as I was \"biased\" as I\'ve had breast cancer and she hasn\'t. I\'m still trying to work out what she meant by that...
With our family history, it\'s so important she knows if she has the BRCA1 gene so she can take her own time to make herself as safe from cancer as she can. All I want is for her to be OK and not go through what I\'ve been through in the last 18 months. But I just feel like she doesn\'t want me involved, and it really hurts.
Does that make sense? Sorry for the ramble...
Sue
x
Hi Sue, I really feel for you. Although my sister and I are close when we have appointments we don\'t go with each other. Neither of us has had BC but our Mum did but we both have very lumpy nodular breasts so we are always having lumps checked, she had one removed last month.
I always feel guilty when I am ok and she isn\'t and I think she feels the same about me. When your sister gets her results she will either be ok and might therefore feel guilty that she is ok and you weren\'t, or she will have a positive result and then she will have to deal with what you have dealt with.
Her mind is prob all over the place at the moment and come the day she will really want you there. This is an awful time for both of you and I really hope she gets a good result.
take care
debby
Thanks Thanks for the replies - I think you\'re both right - I\'ve offered my support so now I have to leave the choice to my sister.
Will let you know how it goes next week - keeping everything crossed it\'s a negative result....
Love
Sue
xxxx
sisters I don\'t know if you are older or younger than your sister. Maybe that makes a difference.
My sister was the person who made me acknowledge the possibility of our getting breast cancer. She had been going to the clinic for a few years. On my 40th birthday she phoned to tell me it was time I went for screening and I was pretty traumatised since we had never spoken of it in any depth before. She made me wake up to the truth and for a while I really hated her, a bit like blaming the messenger.
My sister is four years older than me and I think feels responsible in a parental sort of way.
The week of my surgery she arranged to come to be with me, take me to hospital, stay until it was over. And awful as this might sound I couldn\'t bear all that attention. I needed instead to have space to be with my husband and quietly get used to everything in my own way. Instead I booked in for surgery with a family entourage and felt I had to be strong for everybody else.
I tried everything to prevent her from being there but short of a major family fallout nothing worked.
It was needlessly stressful having all that going on at a time when I felt entitled to be selfish and have a little space.
I do love my sister and appreciate her concern but I think I wanted her to let me be an adult with my own opinions and needs and not just her little sister. When it boils down to it we are separate individuals, what you might want for you needn\'t be what your sister needs for herself.
Hi Chalee Thanks for the reply. I do understand what you\'re saying about needing space - it must have been hard for you to go through surgery with everyone around you, and you having to put on a brave face for them all.
Our situations are a bit different though - my sister is a couple of years older than me, and she\'s single so doesn\'t have anyone close to go with her to get her results. I hate the thought of her going on her own - it\'s not something you should have to go through alone. I really don\'t want to push her or pressure her - I just want her to know I\'m there for her.
But I do understand that being there for her also means stepping away if that\'s what she wants - so I\'ll leave it to her and hope she feels able to ask for my support if she wants or needs it.
This waiting is hell - I just want Thursday to be over...
x
SUE You are a lovely,thoughtful sis Sue and I hope it all works out for you both. This family curse is just awful, isn\'t it?
Very best wishes to you both, it would be good if you would let us know how it goes. xxx