Intimacy and breast cancer

For many a romantic, 14 February brings a day of spoiling your loved ones with flowers, chocolate and affection.

A breast cancer diagnosis can bring some couples closer emotionally and physically. But for many a diagnosis will have a detrimental impact on aspects of their relationship.

Even the strongest relationships can be affected by the stress and strain of cancer diagnosis and treatment. People can become preoccupied with the diagnosis, which means many aspects of your relationship can suffer. It can be difficult to talk with your partner about how you’re feeling, and you may find it hard to ask for things.

An altered body image because of surgery and treatment can make you feel self-conscious and vulnerable, and sex may be the last thing on your mind.

But there are lots of ways to be intimate and affectionate with your partner without having intercourse. You may want to have a bath together or take turns massaging. Or you can be physical by holding hands, kissing or caressing.

If you and your partner stop having sex (it may not be the right time or may be difficult due to treatments), it often means that other types of intimacy suffer. You may avoid hugging and kissing because you worry that it will arouse your partner and then upset them because you don’t want to go further. But increasing physical affection and intimacy shows that you care for and love them.

If you’re having difficulty starting your sex life again, or if the side effects of treatment are making it physically impossible, then you may want to read our publication Sexuality, Intimacy and Breast Cancer. Our online Discussion Forums are a great way to get support from others in a similar situation and to realise you are not alone, and we have some useful information about sex and breast cancer here on our website.

Our One-to-One Support service is for people who have or have had primary breast cancer and is also open to partners, family and friends of those affected. Our volunteers give you a chance to talk openly away from family and friends with someone who understands what you’re going through. To see if this service is right for you, please contact our team directly on ukpeersupportteam@breastcancercare.org.uk or call 0845 0771893.

You can also call our free, confidential Helpline with any questions about breast cancer on 0808 800 6000.